Fallen Angel
by vanillamochalatte
Summary: In this AU of New Moon Bella does not jump but a myriad of hardships allows her to be really pissed at Edward for leaving her. Edward, meanwhile, finds his "soul" and realizes that he needs to be with Bella. Will he get his wish?
1. Ch 1 Awakenings Who the fuck is Ian?

Chapter 1

Awakenings/Who the fuck is Ian?

BPV (Izzy)

Streaks of oranges, magentas, and luscious yellows spread across the early morning sky. A droning _thump_, _thump_, _thump_ pounded in my clouded head, shocking me awake in pain. I gasped and attempted to jump up. Yeah, that was a bad decision. My head was spinning and the lights and colors began flashing like a strobe light before my eyes. I then realized I was being restrained by ...something?

"Fuck. Owwwww, fuck," was about all I could moan as I shook my head slowly back and forth.

While shading my eyes with my right hand, I used my left to fumble with whatever was holding me down. I thrashed, fighting my bonds. Suddenly, muddled in the back of my mind, I could hear music, and it cleared my head —Ani Difranco, "Not a Pretty Girl," I could feel the haze in my head fading away.

Oh, seatbelt! I groaned and unclasped it slowly. It was just a dream. No one was going to bite me. No one was going to leave me; never again. It was just a dream. I repeated my mantra over and over. What a sane morning ritual! Some people had coffee; I reminded myself I was alive, and that monsters and nightmares weren't real. Well, my dreams weren't real. I couldn't say the same for monsters and nightmares.

Stretching, straining every sinew like a cat waking for dinner, I slammed my hand into something cold and hard. _Gonnnng_. The sound reverberated in my ears as I snatched my hand to my chest, rubbing my knuckles. If there were a Brown Note, for real, that would have been it.

"Izzy, you awake or are you giving up the keys and picking up the drums?" a deep voice laughed, turning to look at me. His chestnut hair fell across his eyes, and a nautical star was pulsing, tattooed on his neck —Ian.

"Babe, you were soooo fucked up last night. I'm surprised you survived!" he says with a leer.

"Uh, Ian? What did I tell you? Don't fucking call me 'babe.'"

My foot had fallen asleep. I stomped down and heard a grunt from below me. There was another guy passed out on the floorboard in front of me—Nick. I had just jacked up his hand, and he didn't wake up. He was worse off than me.

Ian snorted and winked at me. "You didn't mind it when I said it in that filthy bathroom after the show."

I shook my head, trying to clear my memory. The pounding wouldn't stop. Ian passed me some Aleve and a Dr. Pepper. What happened last night? I remembered the show; how could I forget? We had never played in front of so many people! We were at a frat house and they loved us. So, how had I ended up screwing around with Ian, again?

"Ian, what the fuck happened?" I snapped.

His shoulders tensed and he stared straight ahead. I saw his eyes fall, and I instantly felt guilty. "Shut up, Swan. I'm trying to drive," he barked.

"No, really, Ian, what happened? My hand hurts." I figured if I was nice, he'd tell me without me having to drag the shit out of him. I slowly rolled my fingers out, and then closed them again, making a fist. I was mesmerized by the Monet blue and purple splotches covering my knuckles.

He sighed. "Fine. After the show, you started drinking — oh, my bad, Boozer Baby, you _continued_ drinking." He choked, he was laughing so hard. "I still don't see how you can down that much beer and still play."

I kicked the back of his seat and grimaced. I hated when he called me that, but not as much as his terms of endearment, like, 'babe' or 'baby'. I was _DEAR_ to no one; no one alive, that is. I just loathed him calling me a boozer. I guess it was because I felt guilty. Charlie would have been so disappointed.

_I can't think of Charlie. I can't handle that right now._

"Hey, Izzy, I'm sorry, man. I know you probably feel like shit." He looked worried. I must have dropped my mask for a second, there. _I shouldn't think of Charlie_ I reminded myself. I couldn't hide when I thought of him.

"Do you remember that douche bag frat guy that grabbed your ass?" he chuckled. I vaguely remembered some guy waiting outside the bathroom, and him saying...oh, yeah, now I remember! I started laughing.

"I punched that perv in the face!" My face lit up at the memory. Ian shook his head. I knew he wished I would smile at him like that, but honestly, I liked hitting assholes more than I liked him. I hadn't smiled for anyone like that since Ed —no, Bella; shut the fuck up. Since Jacob.

I could at least _say _Jacob.

I laughed, slipping my mask back on smoothly, and repeated to myself, _I can do this. I can choose to live._ No, not accurate; to exist. I had to exist, for Charlie. I saw Ian out of the corner of my eye. I continued laughing, living the charade, but it still didn't quite reach my eyes. I snapped them shut, pretending to be asleep as we headed to our next gig.

I pictured Jacob's earnest face, warm hand in mine as he said, "You have sad eyes, Bells. Why do you have such sad eyes? I'll make them smile one day." He did. I could still smell his musky, green scent. I could feel my sun, burning me to the core. I'd smiled as I fell asleep after we first made love; truly _smiled, _wide, bright, and open. Those were the only times I was able to forget Ed —no, Bella, shut up.

I sighed. I wasn't Bella anymore. Bella died that day in the woods, and was reborn six months later as Bells, but she, too, was destroyed a year later, when Jacob imprinted. Izzy, a phoenix, rose from the ashes and took flight.

_______________________________________________________________________

EPV

"How can I be so eternally changed and still considered unmovable; carved like stone?"

I did not even notice the expanse of sky before me as I sorted through the befuddled mess my mind had become. After I'd abandoned Bella, I went to a place that would give me comfort —Mt. Rainier. I'd been here, motionless, for two years. This place was peaceful, serene, yet I felt like a part of me was burned like a piece of skin exposed to sulfuric acid. I could no longer suffer the pain of being away from her. I would gladly choose death over the agony of not being near her for these years. It was excruciating, like a cancer slowly decomposing my insides, meandering hungrily through my lymphatic system and reaching every possible living tissue in its wake. My grip on reality slipped, yet again. My fall from grace flashed before my eyes like a 1920s projector, showing me, frame by frame, all the mistakes I had made with her. I could feel my dead heart shatter, piece by piece, as I saw Bella trusting me and following me into the woods; Bella as her heart broke, hearing and accepting my lies; Bella stumbling after me in the woods, trying to catch me. It was for the best, I told myself. I had already placed her in enough danger. She was human, and needed human things that I could not give her. I was like God, loving the world so that he gave his only son for anyone believing in him to have everlasting life. I gave Bella back to the human world so she could have everlasting life. I made the ultimate sacrifice.

As I sat in the same place I had been for the past few years, questions whirled through my mind about souls, everlasting life, and God. Mostly, those questions led back to one: How could all those things lead me back to _my _beloved; _my_ Bella? I couldn't possibly be a monster when I believed in the purity, the sanctity, of the soul more than many humans. I only killed the dregs of society: rapists, pedophiles, and murderers. I left the innocent alone because of this belief. What does it take to have a soul?

"Souls don't die. They go on forever." If souls don't die, and vampires have no souls, then who was it that took mine? Even Satan couldn't take your soul; you had to offer it to him. Carlisle would not have taken my soul, even if it were offered to him on a silver platter, so who took it? Maybe I had one after all.

My soul whispered 'you need her, and she needs you'. My soul encouraged me to be with her, but my demon tells me to stay away. I decided to listen to my soul because my heart could not be without her. She was my lifeline. An intense ache came from the area where my heart once pumped red, iron-rich blood. The only way I could be happy was to go back to her.

"Edward, please, come home now, son," I heard Carlisle call as he entered my peripheral vision. "We are very worried, and Esme is sick about the whole thing. _Please_," he pleaded, "please come home now." I relented and got up to leave the mountain; my source of enlightenment and rebirth. I hated to hurt Esme, and he knew it.

The sun was setting beautifully on the mountain top. As I stood, I heard the lyrics to the song --David Gray, "Please Forgive Me."

_I must remember to bring Bella here someday… soon._ There was a rip in my chest as I thought of her.

________________________________________________________________________

BPV

My knuckles throbbed around the cracked leather of the steering wheel. My ears were being assaulted by Nick's snoring in the passenger seat. No, not snoring; that sounded too delicate. More like a damn snow blower.

I abhorred driving in the snow. I winced. _Fuck, Izzy, you can't even think of being cold now?_ I was glad we were in California.

There were so many things about my daily life that he stole from me when he murdered my heart. I couldn't read, although I still hid a dog-eared copy of Richard Bach's _Illusions_ in my backpack. I just couldn't bring myself to read it. I mean, screw Jane Austin and her happy endings. How could she write that shit after what happened to her, or more accurately what fucking Lefroy did to her? No one fought for love anymore.

I hyperventilated when I watched certain films, or even listened to classical music. Ugh! I had to stop talking to myself. It couldn't be healthy. Screw it —I was a whack job now, anyway. I might as well hit full-blown crazy.

After Charlie was murdered, Jacob talked me into seeing a psychiatrist. Needless to say, it did not work out too well. What was I supposed to say? "Well, you see Sir it all started when I fell in love with this really amazing vampire named Ed…uh...who broke my poor, weak, human heart by leaving me in the woods to die. I was happy with _him_, being apart of _his_ family and all, but they, too, ended up abandoning me. What did you say, Mr. Psychiatrist Man? How did I deal with the situation? Oh, not very well, sir. I was completely catatonic for months, and then I started hearing Ed —_him_ talking to me. Yes sir, that's what I said; talking to me. Hey, before you call the looney bin to come get me, I don't hear _him_ anymore! What made _him_… uh… _it_ stop? Oh! Well, screwing my new werewolf boyfriend every night shut _him_… uh …_it_ up pretty fast."

No, going to a psychiatrist didn't work after _he _left and Charlie died. It also didn't work when Jacob left me a year later. I had no one left to realize I needed help, except the police, and they only did that for Charlie...and to ensure I wouldn't have to spend time in jail for trying to burn down my own house. Well, really, I was just trying to burn _my_ room up, which I believe I had a total right to do. I mean, I just couldn't stand seeing…_him_… in my room anymore, or really anywhere. I fixed that problem, too. I never remembered my dreams while trashed, so beer; that's my prescription. Knock back eight to twelve when needed for pain or hallucinations of vampires. See how safe and normal I was now?

Ian put his hand on my shoulder. I jumped, lost in my thoughts. "Izzy, just pull around back so we can unload the equipment," he said. I grinned. The Viper Room, what a rush! Just the thought of the place made me shake with anticipation. Maybe I would get to sneak a peak of the owner, Johnny Depp!

"Same set list as last night? If you're up for suggestions, I have a few old songs I want to play during the break." I paused, tensing for a fight. Ian enjoyed imagining we were his band, even though I was the one that named us, the one that started the band. Actually, I guess I should thank Charlie. He was the one who forced me to take up piano again as an outlet for my pain after _he_ left.

"Whatever you play during the break is up to you, Izz. I'm sure it will sound great." He wouldn't look at me as he yanked the van's sliding door open. Did he just give me my way _and_ compliment me in the same conversation?

"Well get the fuck out and help me. Nick, wake the fuck up!" Ian opened the passenger door and Nick rolled out, landing on the concrete with a thud. At least he was acting more like himself. I was used to 'tard-head Ian. Nice Ian was just plain weird.

"Fuck, Ian! What a way to wake someone up," Nick bellowed. I walked past him and ruffled his hair with my hand, smiling down at him. He broke into a wide grin that encompassed his entire face. Outstretching a hand to help him up, I couldn't help but giggle. Ian looked at me sideways and appeared pretty pissed. Damn, that kid was as crazy as me.

"Come on, Nick. Help me with my baby." I loved my Rhodes electric piano. It was an original from the 1970's. He (I called it "he") was in mint condition, but heavy as hell. He came into my life by being purchased with my meager college fund.

I hoped Nick would let the incident with Ian go. While we unloaded the van, I scrutinized my two band mates.

Ian was actually really hot for a dirty, wannabe "Rock God," as he called himself. His hair was always perfect, whisping in front of his eyes. He had all these old school tattoos wallpapering his arms and back, which, I had to say, made him look pretty cool. If he wasn't so fucked up and an asshole, he probably wouldn't be such a bad guy. I couldn't help but think that the only reason we were able to stand each other was because he was as whacked out as I was. His ex, Nadia, left him for Jacob. He knew that I was Jacob's ex, and we got together to piss them off. It didn't work. I just picked up his drinking habits and started a band instead. He was an ass, but he couldn't help it any more than I could.

He was the one who started calling me "Izzy." He was also a pretty good hook-up. Well, based on the limited memory I had of our multitude of one-night-stands together. I guess we were what you'd call "friends with benefits," although I didn't see who is benefiting from this situation. We were always drunk, and usually one of us had to enlighten the other with details of the fiasco. I did remember he was actually pretty sweet during them, and we never messed around with anyone else. We couldn't commit to each other emotionally. Neither one of us was ready to give up that control or trust. I knew I could count on him for anything. Let's put it this way: I'd kill for him, I just wouldn't die for him. I guess we did share something. If he were to leave I would feel sad, but I wouldn't be broken. How do you break a heart you don't have?

Nick was a whole different animal. He had long, wild, blonde hair, the most honest blue eyes, and a contagious laugh that saved me on more than one occasion. If Nick cleared his mind a little, and concentrated on his music more than he did on partying and girls, he would be an amazing drummer. He was just one of those people who grabbed life by the horns, and literally lived every day like it was his last. I'd never seen anyone truly embrace life like him. He reminded me of Emmett in that way.

My body shuttered. It did that every time I thought of any of them. _I couldn't think of them. Fuck them for leaving me._

"Izzy, you need to put on a jacket. Take mine." Ian shrugged off his leather jacket and put it around my shoulders. I looked up at him through my eyelashes, and he slowly used his thumb and forefinger to shut my gaping mouth. "You can breathe now, Izz."

"You… you…." My mind was in such shock that I couldn't utter an intelligible sentence. Did he just give me his coat? Just yesterday he told me, and I quote, "Izzy, for someone so damn frigid, you should be used to the cold."

"God, Izz, it's not like I've never been nice to you before. Anyway, don't get used to it." Did he just blush? He lowered his eyes, and I couldn't discern what he was thinking, or more importantly, his motives, then he marched into the back door of The Viper Room. Honestly, what motives could he have?

"What the hell was that about?" I asked. "Do you know, Nick?" Nick had strategically turned around during the scene.

"Izzy, it seems pretty obvious to me. Figure it out. We need to hurry, though. We're going on next! What you drinking tonight?" he laughed.

"The better question is, what am I _not_ drinking tonight?" I giggled along with him as we lugged my Rhodes towards the bar, but I couldn't help but wonder what was up with Ian.

________________________________________________________________________

EPV

I couldn't believe I was really here. This town, Forks, seemed frozen in time. I'd ignore the irony of that statement. It was strange to be in this car. I swear, her scent was as strong as if she were sitting right next to me. Hopefully she would be with me in a few hours. It might take that long to convince her that I was back, and that I loved her more than life itself. I was glad I drove so I could appreciate the beauty of my old town. We, the Cullens, were so happy here. Its beauty was magnified by the green canopy and misty atmosphere. It was twilight now. How appropriate that I would leave her at twilight, then return to her at the same time.

There was Newton's Outdoor Store. Wait a minute, was that…Angela Weber? She'd know about Bella.

I parked my car and called out to her as I stepped out of it. "Hey, Angela," I greeted her warmly. When I reached her I gave her my most dazzling smile. I remembered Bella telling me that I "dazzle" people. I was still grateful to Angela for that time in Port Angeles when I wanted to tell her who I really was and Angela was kind enough to suggest that Jessica and she go home without Bella, leaving me alone time with her and at the Italian restaurant.

"Edward Cullen? Is that really you?" She blushed and her eyes seemed a little out of focus. "How are you doing?"

She was still very sweet.

"I'm very well and you?" My throat tightened and flamed as I saw the blood pooling in her red cheeks. It had been too long since I'd been around humans.

"I have one more year of school," she replied. "Ben and I have applied to medical school at UC Berkeley. We haven't heard back yet."

________________________________________________________________________

APV

A plethora of questions instantly ran through my head. Did Izzy/Bella know he was here? Did he know that Bella was with Jacob Black? Should I tell him Charlie was murdered? Did he already know about Charlie's death? Did he know that Bella tried to burn the house down? Ok, stop. Did I say all of that out loud?

"Oh, shit!"

He knew now! I could feel the heat rush to my face. Too late; I saw all the emotions crossing his face: shock; realization; agony; horror; rage; then agony again. We gasped at the same time.

_______________________________________________________________________

EPV

I was completely frozen with shock as Angela's mind opened up to me like an audio book.

"I….." Wait! What was that? Who was Jacob Black? Dammit! What was I to do? Did she even realize she was speaking out loud?

All of a sudden, a searing pain shots through every single artery of every organ in my body, like my circulatory system had been defibrillated without need.

"Charlie…is...dead?" I gasped. "No, no Angela!" I could feel myself shaking with such horror that I fell to the ground where we were standing. "Charlie was killed," she said quietly. I heard Victoria's name flash in Angela's mind as if it were the most vulgar word in her vocabulary.

________________________________________________________________________

APV

"Yes, Edward, he was. But there's more." I choked back a sob. I thought of the past three years, because I couldn't bear to utter the words myself. I saw his emotions move across his face like a marquee. How could I tell him the about the horror he left behind? Charlie, at the hands of Victoria —some guys from La Push tried to help him and Bella. A kid named Brady was killed trying to protect him, but Victoria was just too much for him. Bella, trying to burn the house down while she was in it; the love she felt with Jacob —she was on the mend then. It wasn't meant to last because he left her for another girl a year after that. Bella died when Edward left, Isabella Swan died with Charlie, and Bells faded with Jacob's lost love.

_Izzy now exists with such ferocity that it will take a miracle for you to win her back._

How could I tell him all of this? He already looked so broken.

EPV

_She had werewolves help her_? I thought to myself. I realized, with great pain, that none of _us_ were here to protect her from Victoria. "She fell in love with one of the guys from La Push? At least she is happy."

Angela's face is chagrined as she began to speak. "Well, sort of, Edward. She tried to stay at home for a while, but Charlie's presence was so strong that she couldn't handle being without him, so she tried to kill herself by setting the house on fire. Jacob went in after her. She did live with Jacob on the reservation, because they didn't stop the Seattle gang then."

Angela must have read my confused expression. Gangs?

"I guess I should explain. After you left, Bella joined a gang in Seattle. We all thought she was depressed, but she was just hiding the trouble she got into. After a few months she realized it was a bad idea, and Jacob and the guys from La Push tried to help her get out. Apparently, the gang didn't want to let her go, so they attacked her and Charlie. Victoria was the leader. She was the one who killed Charlie."

_Hmm_, I thought. So this must have been the explanation that Bella and the wolves came up with to explain the situation. The truth was not an option. I cringed. This was my entire fault.

"Everyone felt that it would be better for Bella if she stayed near the Rez. After that, she lived with Jacob for a year…." She cut off her sentence. My face must have looked disfigured from the pain that was swarming my body. I fell to the ground as I read her thoughts before she even finished her sentence.

"Jacob met Nadia," she continued, "the new girl that moved here from L.A, and just up and left Bella. She started hanging out with Nadia's ex and his friends. They ended up getting an apartment together, then left Forks shortly after and began performing with a band. She's no longer Bella, Edward. She calls herself Izzy. She drinks, more than a lot, and does whatever she wants with whomever she wants. She's not the same, Edward, and I'm afraid that she never will be." Tears cascaded down her cheeks.

"What the hell!" I roared. I could not believe that my departure caused all this…pain… heartache. There would be no penance for this. She had to trust werewolves with her life, because _I_ left her in the forest—_we_ left her in Forks. Charlie was dead because of me; stupid, selfish me. Oh God, how could I ever face her now?

My hands strained against the concrete underneath them as I attempted to keep myself from ripping up the pavement. I wanted to crush the cement to dust. I had to get the growling under control. I heard Angela gasp. I was afraid to look at her; she was going to run away screaming any minute.

"I am so sorry, Angela. I do not control my temper well," I sighed. "Please forgive my behavior."

She gingerly places her hand on my shoulder. "Edward, you are always so chivalrous; always the one to throw yourself on the sword for the betterment of others. I am afraid that if you want to win Bella back, you'll have to fight like never before. I say this because 'your' Bella died the day you left her. There is only Izzy, and she's ferocious. She cares for no one and nothing," she finishes. This time the pity in her eyes was mixed with anger. She was Bella's true friend. I rose with her hand still on my shoulder.

I breathed deeply to calm myself. "Thank you, Angela. I _will_ fight until the end for her, even if she doesn't want me. I realize that I cannot be without her, even if she can be without me. I must speak to Jacob Black."

She hesitated before she spoke. "Ummm, Edward...I also know that the Cullens and the Rez are not friends. That's one reason she went to them. She wanted to hate everything about you and your existence. I am not sure that Jacob will want to speak to you without wanting to fight you."

I grimaced as I thought about how much pleasure that would give Bella. "Angela, I understand the risks, but I must speak with him. Do you think you can get him to talk to me? I know this isn't your job, but I really need your help."

"Well, okay. Give me a few days to talk to Jacob and I'll get back to you. How will I find you?" she questioned.

"Thank you, Angela," I answered. "And don't worry, I'll find you."

________________________________________________________________________

WOLVES

EPV

I had been watching Angela for a few days to make sure that there was no backlash from the werewolves. I didn't want to get close to her for fear of losing control; my eyes were onyx from a cocktail of thirst and seemed to be comfortable with her, and I could hear that Jacob Black would meet me even if it disgusted him. My cold skin was ferevered with rage at the mere thought of them. I called her phone after two days of impatiently waiting.

"Hello Angela." She told me the details of the meeting with Jacob. I swallowed the venom that pooled in my mouth.The reality of my solitary confinement in the mountains surfaced as I realized that I was more than just a dead body but a dead soul with Bella, I would regain my humanity. I need Bella. "Okay, I will meet both of you there. Thanks so much for this. I'll owe you for a lifetime."

Angela exhaled. "You're welcome, Edward. I'll see you in a while."

Once in the clearing Jacob Black and I slowly move toward each other with Angela situated between us. Fear is clearly plastered on her face. Her gaze shifted back and forth between Jacob and me. The mutt was vibrating with pure anger.

"Alright," she murmurs, "I want you two to remember that Bella is important to all of us, and we want her to be happy. So I'll ask you to be as cordial as possible, and try not to kill each other."

The dog said, "Sure, sure. I will behave if the leech does."

"I will be happy to oblige, pup," I spat. I could help the venom pooling in my mouth. I'd take the vile stench, just to bite down; to get my jaws on him.

"I didn't know parasites could live outside a host," he snarled.

"I am surprised you are here at all. I thought they killed the runts of the family," I retorted with a smile that showed every one of my teeth, dripping with cold death. He trembled more, and I could hear his angry thoughts. I got between Angela and him because werewolves were always unstable, and I would not want anything to happen to her. My anger faltered when I hear Angela yell, "Stop it!"

The fear sweeping off Angela was palpable. She needed to get out of here. The insults could be enough to tip her off. Her heart rate reached a deafening thud.

"Angela, this is between me and Jacob. I would appreciate it if you would return to your home. I am thankful for your help. I will get in touch with you when I find Bella." I placed my hand at the small of her back and nudged her towards the trail. Once I got her moving, she took off. I could tell from her thoughts that she knew we were dangerous, but she just chalked it up to extreme jealousy.

Now that she was out of hearing range, Jacob spluttered, "You filthy bloodsucker. I am more man than you will ever be." I heard his memories of all the times he had with Bella. They were vivid as he recalled touching her milk-white skin, watching it turn pink under his touch. He smiled as he remembered her gasps of pleasure, tasting her sweet nectar. I heard her call him _her_ Jake. I boiled inside when I saw her legs spreading, like a flower blooming in spring, welcoming him as the rain. I saw her scream his name in ecstasy.

My mind was chanting _mine, mine, and mine_,a mantra that can't ease the pain. I rushed at him with unearthly force and threw him against a tree trunk. It cringed in shock at his massive weight, the toots and bones all popping. He was in werewolf form when he reentered the clearing. He hit me square in the chest, throwing me back. He landed above me, his claws digging into my chest as I plied open his snapping jaws. Blood spilled from the corner of his mouth; just a little further and his jaw would break. A whimper escaped his chest as he pitifully attempted to break through me with his claws. I felt a crack —just a little further. Another whimper escaped his throat, and I looked at the mutt for an infinitesimal moment. I could hear that he would phase back to human form if I backed away. I could smell his immature confidence. I pushed him off, and he fell in a pathetic lump. Eyes black, I hovered over him. Venom dripped from my chin, landing by his anguished face. I chuckled as he cringed from the poison, and straightened out of my crouch, waiting for him to phase.

She made love to him; those words break into my concentration. She offered the one thing that we had in common to a stinking mongrel. I wanted to curse her for this ultimate treachery. _Damn you, Bella_.

He stalked into the forest, trying to calm down, then phased back, stepping up to me naked. He gave me a smug smile. I may have won this fight, but he knew he won the battle. His thoughts expressed my feelings; he had a part of Bella that I would never have, and he was aware I was pissed about it.

"Bet you wish you would have stayed, don't you?" he cackled.

"I wish she didn't feel the need to get ticks and fleas," I spat.

"Yes, it's a good thing I could scratch all of her itches," he snorted.

I yelled, "Be very careful, mutt. I can kill you in an instant."

"You are supposed to be so composed. Bells would say that you were so rigid in your morals, she was glad she had me to bang her." I could see that he was lying. I also saw that he would love the opportunity to kill me on her behalf, and the guilt in his mind about hurting her the way he did.

I took this opportunity to jab at him. "Yes, but even that wasn't enough for you to stay with her. I left her to protect her. You left because you never truly loved her and fell in love with someone else. I wonder if Nadia appreciates your memories of Bella as much," I chided. I was still trying to control my anger toward him… and **her**. Even in my wildest nightmares, I would not have conceived that she would lay with another. How could she hurt me like this? She clearly had moved on, but she did not have to sleep with him. She did not have to enjoy it. My teeth clenched.

He spat at the ground toward me before he spoke. "You leave Nadia out of this, or swear, I will kill you. You know Bells wanted me to do that for her; kill you after we killed the filthy, female bloodsucker. She said that it would be a great present for her if you would die."

I fought back the sting of those words. In a controlled tone, I spoke slowly, "I am sure she did. I wonder, however, if you are now in the same category, as I cannot imagine how it felt when you left her for another when she shared **everything** with you. Do not attempt to make me jealous, child. I have been doing this a long time."

"Yes, you could have been her grandfather," he countered. "I am sure she appreciated having someone her age with whom to make love."

"Yes, but with my experience, I will be able to take her to places you never did. I have the opportunity to do so, and you no longer do. I will make sure to record it and send you a copy so you can attempt to please Nadia someday." I inhaled and exhaled an unnecessary breath. I was wasting time with him and needed information. "All I want to know is where she is," I said with an even voice now.

He screamed with rage. "SHUT UP! She loved me more than she ever did you. She will tell you when she sees you. She wants nothing to do with you. You will never get her back…EVER!" He slowed his breathing a little, attempting to gain back control. His eyes closed and he rolled his shoulders in an attempt to subdue the intense quake that was threatening, once again, to overtake his body.

"Alright, alright," he answered reluctantly. "The last time she spoke to Seth, they were in New York doing a show."

"Thank you," I choked. The anger was still on the surface, even though I was trying my damnedest to control it. I would go to New York in the morning. Right now, I was going to take a detour to Denali.


	2. Ch2 Johnny DeppStrawberry Blonde Whores

12

Chapter 2

JOHNNY DEPP AND STRAWBERRY BLONDE WHORES

BPV

I paused in the back entrance of The Viper Room as I allowed my eyes to adjust to the darkness that surrounded me. Nick, not realizing I'd stopped, bulldozed me into the short, stocky man who was in front of me. He was built like a bulldog.

"Ugh! Nick! What the fuck?" I turned around to glare at Nick and apologized to the man I still couldn't see all that well. "Oh, um, I'm sorry, Man, I didn't mean to dislocate your spine or anything. My friend here has trouble walking and carrying things at the same time."

"Snarky Izz. Thanks!" Nick chuckled.

"Apology accepted. I'm Gregory. I handle the entertainment. So, you two are the rest of the band?" Mr. Shadow, I mean, Gregory responded. My eyes couldn't adjust to the change in light. We needed to move further into the bar. Gregory decided to fill the silence as we scooted further inside. "I've spoken to Ian, I believe his name is, and settled on payment. You will receive half the door, drinks and food from the bar, and $5,000 up front. I have…."

My eyes shot to his face stunned and bewildered. "Whoa, wait just a minute there," I interjected.

"I'm sorry. Is there a problem?" He looked a bit taken aback.

"Well, yes there is actually. You see I think…you have the wrong band. There is no way you should be paying us that amount," I managed to choke out. We were normally lucky to get free Pabst and a small cut from the door.

"You're _Dogs VS. Leeches_ correct?"

"Well, yes we are, but I still think you're confused," I insisted. Who the hell do they think we are? We're no "Sparkle Horse"!

"Sorry to disappoint you, but I'm not. Mr. Depp loved your EP _Newborn_, and told me to take care of the band's needs. He also told me to allow you access to the dressing rooms so you can clean up, if need be. He wanted me to ask the band to join him in the VIP room after the show. He would love to meet you." He quirked his left eyebrow up as if to say, "I bet you won't argue now." His eyebrow was right. There was no way in hell I was going to complain about meeting, Johnny freakin' Depp.

I hesitated in responding, not because I was going to argue, but because I thought I might faint.

The light headedness was from a combination of the impending meeting with Mr. Depp, himself and from standing there unwittingly holding my end of my ginormous piano for the last five minutes. Nick was smart enough to set his end down.

"Um…yeah… that is very generous of Mr…um…Depp. Thank you." _Am I a fucking tard or what? I have to pull myself together._

"Wonderful. After you set up, I will show you to the dressing rooms. Food should be lain out for you by then." He walked away before I could respond.

Nick let out a loud guffaw behind me.

"Pick up your end and shut the hell up!" I could feel the red spread across my face. I hated blushing.

We ran into Ian as Nick sang, "Izzy and Johnny sitting in a tree…." I attempted to shut his big mouth up. God! What if Johnny Depp actually heard him? I was so mortified.

"Who the fuck is Johnny, Izz?" Ian spat, a storm cloud spread across his face. Nick finally shut up, flashed me an apologetic smile and retreated to set up his drums.

I was flabbergasted. Who did Ian think he was, and what the hell was wrong with him. I breathed in and out and attempted to calm down. The last thing we needed was to get in a fight before a show. I tried to laugh it off in hopes of deflating the situation and finding out what was going on with him. "My next door neighbor," I responded sarcastically. Ian tensed and looked around franticly. Really, what was his problem? "Relax, Ian. He was talking about Johnny Depp. What's your problem today? You're acting seriously strange." I was beyond exasperated.

I saw relief flood his face, but he was still tense around the shoulders. "Oh! That makes sense. So, you _loooove_ Johnny, huh? I never knew." He drug out _love_ like a 2nd grader who _loooooooved_ Kelly Kapowski. He and Nick should have started a fucking sideshow. _Everyone's got jokes._

He had the nerve to laugh at me. It also had not escaped my notice that he never answered my question. I let it go, but I would find out. "Let's finish setting up so I can go take a shower and have a beer." I suddenly felt tired and dirty.

"You want some company?" Ian jibed.

"Not drunk enough, Buddy, and your no Captain Jack Sparrow!" I taunted. I turned around quickly and pretended I didn't see the hurt that was in his eyes. _What the hell?_

"Yeah, well hurry the hell up so we can eat and get this show over with." He hurled at me and stomped away in the opposite direction. _Really, what crawled up his ass and died?_

I set up my equipment in a matter of minutes. It was the unloading that required effort. Gregory walked up to me when he realized I was done. "Ms. Swan, come this way please. I'll show you to your dressing room."

Shocked, I never heard him approach. "Thanks. Your oddly polite for a bar manager. I'll be right there. Just let me grab my bag."

"I am not the bar manager." He scoffed. "I handle PR and booking for the Viper Room. Mr. Depp requires business to be handled quickly and professionally. Plus, he said you were to be treated with the utmost care."

I hoped I didn't insult him. I couldn't really wrap my mind around what was going on, but I did not complain. I needed a shower, and we could use the money for the band fund. I had already dipped farther into the insurance money Charlie left me than I wanted to. Plus, who would say no to Johnny Depp?

The shower relaxed me and I finally had a chance to dress up. I couldn't help but laugh about how insecure and clumsy I used to be. Charlie cured that. He forced me to pick piano back up and then required me to take kickboxing to gain confidence. It was the best thing he could have done for me under the circumstances. My nightmares had begun to take over my life, and I was wasting away. Charlie said I needed to either spend time with my friends or pick up a hobby. That was why I started piano. While I lived in Phoenix, Renee took piano for a few months as one of her crazy whirlwind hobbies. I paid attention and fiddled with it when she was not home. I just did not have the time or confidence to continue. I had an eccentric mother to take care of, but when Charlie paid for real lessons and I realized I had some actual talent, music quickly became my life. He then noticed that I was barring my window at night and was paranoid all the time. He thought I was scared because of a few murders that happened in Seattle. He was actually pretty close. I was scared of Victoria, and she was the one committing those murders. He insisted that kickboxing would not only make me more confident, but it would also make me feel safer. Curing my klutziness was just a bonus. He never actually thought I would be any good, but I ended up winning a few tournaments. I had a lot of anger to harness, and it was the perfect release.

When I walked into the dressing room lounge and grabbed a bite, Ian scowled and Nick whistled. "Nice, Izzy. Who are you planning on killing with that outfit?"

I sashayed over to the table and sat down. "I didn't realize my outfit was a weapon."

"Well your clothes might not be, but that ass definitely is!" Nick barked out and grinned.

Ian still scowled. _What the fuck? It's not like I've never dressed up before. I guess it's been skinny jeans and band shirts for a while, but it's not like I'm naked. What's wrong with wearing chunky, black, knee-high boots; fishnets; jean mini skirt; and an off the shoulder "Yeah Yeah Yeahs" t-shirt. I guess the "fuck me boots" and fishnets pushed him over the edge._ My inner monologue was out of control. I chose to have a beer and ignored him.

"Nick, what number ya on?" I swiveled my chair around and faced him as he shoved a giant burger in his mouth.

He hurriedly gulped down the burger, chugged his beer, and snagged another while he tossed me one from across the room. "Four. How 'bout you?"

"This is number two. I like to savor the first two, and I can't remember the last time we could afford New Castle! I'm in fucking heaven," I gushed. I rolled my eyes back into my head and a slight moan escaped my lips.

"Fucking heaven, huh? That's what you said last night." Ian smirked.

I rolled my eyes and closed them. "You need to get your head in the game. So shut your trap." Once again I pretended to be asleep. I'd deal with Ian after the show.

A quick cat nap later and I could hear a lot, I mean, a lot of people out there. My third beer steadied my nerves as I tried to forget I was playing in front of Johnny Depp.

I decided to go with what Gregory told me, so I left the dressing room and skipped on over to the bar. Yeah, I said skipped. I was feeling a little giddy. If Johnny Depp wanted my needs taken care of I don't want him disappointed by not allowing him the opportunity!

I was bombarded by a mass of people. Actually reaching the bar was a feat of its own. I had to wade through a sea of sweaty bodies. The smoke swirled around my face lingering before my eyes as I reached my destination. Amidst the innocuous scents of sweat, cigarettes, and alcohol there was a sweetness I couldn't place. Some jackass stepped back and bumped me, throwing me off balance. I apologized to the man in front of me and I tried to wipe his Jack and Coke off my arm. He chuckled. I froze. It sounded like…music? Chills spread across my arm, but it wasn't not from his drink. He…felt… cold! I looked up in slow motion. I felt like it was the second, right before a car wreck, like the way a disaster slows down just enough that you're able to appreciate the pain you're going to be in even before it happens. Gold. I saw golden eyes, but before I could gasp he smiled and I registered that it was not _him_ or any of _them_. What the hell was a vampire doing here?I muttered, "Excuse me," I smiled and set up a schedule with the bartender. One beer every three songs was the perfect time frame.

I couldn't help but pray he did not see recognition in my eyes. I also couldn't help but notice that he was not the only one there. I walked up to the stage and adjusted my throne. It appeared that Nick had been playing with it again. Shock kick started my alarm. _How am I so calm?_ _I should be grabbing the guys and breaking out of this joint. Did I just say joint. Now I'm being flippant about the whole thing._ I scanned the crowd while I sound checked. So far, I'd seen two other sets of golden eyes and three sets of red. I needed another beer.

I started my mike check and decided that The Viper Room was not the place for my typical check. I couldn't ignore the thought that saying _penis _over and over again at different volumes was not a good idea. I was too shy to play the _Penis Game_ in school. I was always terrified the teacher would catch me saying _penis _and tell Charlie. I went for the quick song route. I didn't know why, but I chose _She's Leaving Home _by The Beatles. The noise started to die as I sang the chorus, "She's leaving home/ She's leaving home after living alone for so many years." As I sang the second verse, I pondered the fact that I was in a bar full of vampires reminiscing about Forks. The irony wasn't lost on me. I poured my heart into the final chorus, "She is having fun/ Something inside that was always denied for so many years/ Bye-bye she's leaving home bye-bye." Quiet. Everyone was silent.

_Ok._ _Maybe that was the wrong song for this crowd, but who the fuck doesn't love the Beatles?_

I thought to myself. As I turned to face Ian to tell him I was ready, the crowd clapped wildly.

The show was going well and we were about to go on break. Well actually, Ian and Nick were going to take a piss, and try to pick up chicks, while I played. I was a little drunk and very nostalgic. I started off with something slow, Fiona Apple's "Sullen Girl." My eyes closed. I saw _him_ behind them. I went from nostalgic to kicked in the cooter pissed in an instant. Thinking about _him_ was never easy. Being pissed was. I started a Wilco song "Via Chicago." I daydreamed about _him_ as I sang the first verse, "I dreamed about killing you again last night and it felt alright with me…." Something drew my eyes up and open as I continued singing, "Your cold, hot blood ran away from me to the sea…." Through the smoky haze, I saw a flash of …bronze. I stumbled on the keys, my hands moved of their own accord. A lullaby. I played my lullaby, but quickly got back on track. My heart wanted to rip open, but there was nothing there. I was empty.

_No! It's not possible!_ As quickly as _he_ was there _he_ was gone. I was just seeing things. _He is not here. Breathe Izzy. Don't come undone now._

I muttered to myself. I shook my head as I attempted to clear my thoughts, my head of this hallucination. The bartender walked up when the song ended and handed me another beer. "Thanks," the smile didn't reach my eyes.

_Fuck it. If I'm drunk I won't feel or see anything._

Ian walked towards me as the bars of my next song began. He smiled as he heard it. He looked… smug as I moaned "A Mistake" by Fiona Apple.

The song ended. A tear fell. I resigned myself to who I had become.

The rest of the show blew by like a hurricane. I was dazed in the eye of the storm.

_Fuck it, Izzy. Give up. Just fucking give up. He is not coming back. He does not love you. He does not want you, and neither do They. No one does. Have some fucking fun. _

I smiled as I heard, "On the drums for you tonight is Nick Taylor." He did a quick solo and everyone clapped. "On the keys and vocals, Izzy Swan." The room erupted with applause. "I'm Ian Johns on guitar, and we're _Dogs VS, Leeches_. Have a good night." The crowd thundered applause. They fucking loved us! We sold out of our EPs and T-shirts.

As I was cleaning up in the dressing room, the headliner, _Sparkle Horse_ came on. I chugged another beer and saw Gregory heading towards me. "Izzy, are you ready to meet Mr. Depp?"

No. I was not ready to meet Johnny fucking Depp! Who would be prepared for that shit? Playing in front of a room full of blood sucking vampires, I had no problem. The thought of speaking to Johnny Depp and I was going to throw up. There was something seriously wrong with me. I manage to stutter out, "S…sure, let's go."

Ian and Nick followed us. Nick was giddy as hell and Ian seemed nonchalant. He attempted to throw his arm around my shoulders. I shrugged him off. We walked up a flight of stairs to a door with security guards in front of it. I reached for the door knob and Gregory pulled me back. Just as I thought I did something wrong a group of people filed out of the room. I couldn't help but notice that one of them was the raven-haired vampire I bumped into at the bar.

"Come in. Please sit down." His voice was…well, it was beautiful.

The room was lit by iron lanterns and the walls were covered in burgundy velvet drapes. Opulent was the word I thought of as I gazed around the room. Low lying couches with plush cushions made a horseshoe on a balcony that faced the stage. Johnny Depp stood and offered us his hand. We each shook it. I dropped my eyes. I was actually shy for the first time in years. My cheeks blushed crimson and I sat down. I noticed something different about him, but couldn't lay my finger on it.

He congratulated us on an amazing show and offered us cocktails. I opted for another beer. That will be number seven. I had built up a hefty tolerance. Johnny offered us a spot on the bill for the following night. My head popped up. It was not that I was ignoring Johnny Depp, it was just that I was distracted. I couldn't help but feel that something wasn't right. Our eyes met for the first time. I gasped. I couldn't help it. He looked familiar. He looked like one of _them,_ but it was off a little. He was not as pale, his eyes were not as gold, and he was not as cold, but I knew he was NOT human. Comprehension flickered across his eyes, but I didn't turn away. I didn't hide. He smiled.

Johnny lifted his cell phone to his ear, but he spoke too quietly and too fast for me to hear. I flashed a smirk at him that screamed "I know what you are, and I know what you're doing." _Why am I acting this way? When I came in I couldn't look at him, and now that I know he is not human I flirt? What is wrong with me?_ My thoughts were interrupted by the appearance of two; I didn't know what to call them but models.

"Giovanna, Lidia, please I want you to meet some friends," Johnny flashed me a smile. My stomach fluttered. He dazzled me!Fuck, that was just crazy_._ Nick and Ian didn't see. They were too busy gawking at the models. I pretended to throw up in my mouth a little bit. Johnny saw and laughed out loud. Everyone stopped talking, and I pretended that nothing happened. I forgot that things were harder to hide from certain kinds of people. Well, _people_ was definitely not the right word.

"Girls. Why don't you show Nick and Ian around? I'm sure they have not had a chance to enjoy the place," Johnny suggested smoothly with a straight face while locking my gaze. I stopped breathing.

Ian turned to me, "Hey Izz, you wanna go too?" He looked strange, like he wanted out of the situation. Why would he want out of hanging with hot foreign models? Nick's tongue was practically hanging out with anticipation. Johnny glared at Ian.

Before I was able to answer, Johnny interrupted, "I was going to ask Izzy to help me bang out the details for tomorrow's gig. What do you say?" He turned towards me. His emphasis on the word _bang_ was not lost on Ian or me.

I remembered to breathe. "Sure that sounds great. Go ahead guys. Have fun. I'll be down in a bit."

Ian actually eye balled Johnny Depp. "Fine. Whatever. Do what you Fucking want." He leaned into me, lips grazing my ear, faking a hug, and snarled, "Do, _whoever_ you want."

My back stiffened and my hands clinched. I turned back towards Johnny as they left. He smiled and attempted to dazzle me again. That time I was ready for it, or maybe it was just not as potent as a certain other dazzling smile. My expression didn't change, my heart rate stayed the same, and I continued to look directly in his eyes- waiting. He successfully and I might add intentionally got us alone. The only question was, "What did he want."

________________________________________________________________________

EPV

I went to her without a word. I kissed her strongly on the lips. She kissed back. I could hear her thoughts. She was surprised but pleased…eager. She had always wanted this…wanted me. The first time I met Bella and wanted to kill her, I ran to Tanya. She did not try to convince me to stay, but I heard her thoughts. She was upset when I decided to return to Forks.

I opened her mouth with my tongue and tasted her sweet breath. It was sweet. She curled her talons into my hair and pulled me closer, I did not resist. If she were human, her cheeks would have flushed, her heart would have raced, and her body would have been warm. I caressed the small of her back and kissed her more intently. I could never have been this carefree with Bella, she was much too fragile, but Tanya could take all of my force. I quickly took her to her bed and laid her down without breaking the seal our lips made. She had many questions but did not want the answers. She released my hair and ripped my shirt off, buttons ricocheted off the walls of her bedroom; I undressed her with one fluid movement. I just wanted to forget…_him_…_her_…_them_. She rolled on top of me and I opened my eyes long and saw her staring at me but I had to quickly snapped them shut. She wasn't who I wanted to see. She wondered if I really want to do this. I did but not with her. I was sick with guilt but not enough to abate my anger.

I answered her by moving her hand to my inner thigh. She gasped in delight; I made no sound. I allowed my body to release all the anguish from before when I heard his thoughts. I kissed Tanya's neck as I washed away how he heard her groan. I moved back and forth, as I erased his memory of her scent. I concentrated on Tanya's moans as I obliterate the images of their first time together and all of the filth that followed. We laid in her bed motionless, silent. Time was of no consequence here. I continued exploring all the parts of Tanya while I washed away the images of Jacob Black destroying _my_ Bella. Tanya and I stopped when my soul whispered _Bella_, an instant before my lips did. My demon growled in defeat. I jerked away from her and crashed through the window. I heard Tanya scream my name as I raced towards my salvation, allowing the violent winds to rend away my sins. I had no time for self-loathing. I would tell Carlisle what I had done later; I yearned to find Bella. My need for her was more urgent.

TPV

"Edward," I shrieked into the night. Just as quickly as he came in and swept me off my feet, he disappeared. I couldn't believe he fucked me and left …_me_. He fucking said that walking blood bank's name while he took me on that unforgettable ride.

_No! He made love to me._

Each word pounded individually through my mind. Edward and I were meant to be together; I knew that. We were a perfect fit. I just had to get the human out of the way.

EPV

If I could have gasped for breath I would have. I reached New York in a matter of hours, "They left last night? You do not know where they headed. Okay, thank you very much for your help." Dammit, I missed them by one day. I realized I wasted three days with Tanya. Had I not been with her I would have caught up to them. I decided I would head back to Forks and see if Angela would call her. Suddenly, my cell phone rang.

"Hello Johnny," I said without glancing at the caller id.

."Hello Edward, I am calling you to tell you that your Bella is here at my club," he said.

"Bella's there now," I exclaim. I couldn't believe my karma. "Where are you?"

"I am at the Viper Room. I assumed that you were still interested in la belle femme. I was just wondering because she looks nothing like the Bella you described to me in Denali. In fact she looks more like my type now." Johnny teased. I couldn't hold back a growl. "Calm down. Calm down! I'm on your side, but don't fault me for admiring your mistakes."

"I know Johnny, but I need her. Can you find a away to keep her there? I'm on my way." I couldn't withhold the excitement in my voice.

"Of course man, but you must know that she's …different. Getting her back isn't going to be easy," he warned.

"Getting her back…is the only way to complete me. She is essential for my soul. Without her I am nothing but a blood sucking demon. I will be on the next flight out to California," my self-loathing wass overwhelming. I needed to get control so I could concentrate and reach my love as soon as possible.

"I'll do my best. Just hurry." Johnny insisted.

"Thank you Johnny. I owe you." I snapped my phone shut. I had my chance to see her. Would I leave if she were happy? Hell no! I was going to fight for this. We belonged together and I would have her back no matter what the cost. I played another slide show in my mind of Tanya's hurt eyes as I left New York.


	3. Ch3 This is SpartaPimp Slapped

16

Chapter 3

THIS IS SPARTA/ PIMP SLAPPED

BPV

Johnny breathed in and out slowly. He leaned forward and smiled, "So Bella, how's everything back at home in Forks?"

I sucked in a breath shocked. I countered quickly, "So Johnny, what are you exactly?"

The smile never left Johnny's ethereal face, "I asked you first, Bella."

I grimaced. How did he fucking know my name was Bella, and why did he keep smiling like that? "I haven't been in Forks in nearly a month. I don't really have a home anymore, unless you count the loft where Ian, Nick, and I lived, in downtown Seattle." Johnny grimaced at Ian's name. Why did I tell him so much? I needed to stop rambling. "Your turn, Johnny" I smirked.

He hesitated, but didn't drop his Cheshire grin, "Why don't you guess, Bella?"

Just like _him_, he couldn't answer a direct question. I snorted at the realization and responded, "Firstly, don't call me Bella. It's Izzy now. Secondly, I can better tell you what you're not." I paused and Johnny nodded giving me the "Ok". I continued. "Well, you are not human, or at least not completely human. You have many characteristic of a vampire: immortal beauty, cold skin, perfect voice, hypnotizing golden eyes, and pale skin, but they are all muted. You have the qualities, but they are not as strong as a vampire's. Plus…" I leaned across the table and pressed my hand against his chest, "your heart beats." I slowly sat back in my chair and nonchalantly took a sip of my beer, and never allowed my gaze to falter. Where did I get the nerve?

Johnny's smile beamed at me, "I've got a friend who would rip my hand off if I attempted the same contact with you."

My eyes widened, and I was sure he could see the question that was in my eyes, "And who would that be?" There were only seven vampires in the world that knew me, and they wouldn't give a fuck! "I can't imagine anyone who gives that much of a fuck about me."

Johnny laughed darkly, completely ignoring my comment once again. Did he have any idea how fucking frustrating that was? I could see understanding in his eyes, "I heard what Ian said, as he left. Is your little boyfriend always so possessive and jealous?"

It was my turn to laugh, "Ian? He is not my boyfriend. He is a loyal friend, and something much less appropriate for me to talk about." I didn't blush; instead I gave him a wry smile.

"Actually Bella, I was not speaking of Ian. He couldn't get close enough to me to rip my hand off and if he tried he would not survive. I was speaking of a relatively new acquaintance. He and I met in Denali a…."

_Ed…him Johnny was speaking of him! Why would he say he would care? Why did he talk about me to Johnny Depp?_ _I can't handle this. I can't have a discussion about him_.

I interrupted, "Never mind Johnny, I don't want to hear who you're talking about. I am positive that there is no one of interest involved." I sighed and unwound my arms that I had unknowingly crossed, crushing my chest. "You have successfully dodged my question, and I was hoping you would enlighten me." I hoped he did not see my silent break down.

"Yes, it must be difficult for you to hear about Edward," he sympathized.

I hissed and leaned as far away from him as I could. I didn't want his pity. "I don't need your half-assed sympathy, Johnny. I am nothing like I used to be. I was weak, pitiful, and way too trusting…it will not happen again."

Johnny quirked up an eyebrow and paused as he chose his words carefully, "Edward was just as curious as you about me. You would not have believed his joy when he found out," Johnny grinned proudly.

"There are not many of my kind. Most vampires are incapable of the restraint involved or have never had the desire to restrain in the first place. You see, Bella…." I glared as he called me Bella once again. He simply smiled softly and continued, "I am both. I am human and a vampire. My father was a vampire and my mother was human. I'm a hybrid." He paused. The reality of his reveal slowly began to sink in. A human woman could conceive a child with a vampire.

_What the fuck?_ I snapped out of my reverie when I realized he was still speaking. Behind the cool façade I could tell the memories were painful for him.

"My father disappeared leaving my mother pregnant. She died when I was born. I killed her." I barely noticed his poorly concealed flinch, "not intentionally but nonetheless she's dead. The Denali coven found me and raised me. I stopped aging at twenty. I use make-up to keep up the masquerade of aging for my career. I can't keep this up for much longer." He sipped his Jameson straight and absorbed my countenance.

A million questions ran through my head. I couldn't help stopping on the same one over and over. Ed…_him_. Why had that information made _him_ happy? I shook my head, once again as I tried to clear my thoughts. I couldn't. All I saw was _him_. We were on the front porch of the Cullen house watching our son running, splashing in the creek. Our son! I choked on a sob. Were the same scenes flashing through _his_ mind when he found out about Johnny? Was that why _he _was so happy? Before the tears fell, I opened my eyes, shook my head and raised my eyes wide and stared at the ceiling. I hoped that gravity would keep the flood of tears that were threatening to fall, locked in my tear ducts were they belonged. I shouldn't have fucking seen this. I ripped that part of my heart out years ago, when he erased me from _his_ life…_their_ lives. The fact that I could cry, if I wanted to, made me smile. I still had something left. I was not completely empty! But what the fuck did that mean, to feel something?

"Bella are you ok? I'm sorry. I should not have mentioned him." Johnny had moved to the seat next to me and was holding my hand. I lowered my head to look at him; my eyes were still welled with tears. "I'm so sorry. Please accept my apology." The worry in his eyes broke my stare.

"It's ok, Johnny. I actually think I've come to an epiphany, but I doubt it. At least I know now that I can feel something. I think I'm glad about that. Are you and _he_ close?" The words slipped from my lips at a whisper that only someone with his hearing could have discerned. I twisted the knife. I was just a glutton for punishment.

"Actually we have become good friends recently. He is in pieces, and no one in the family understands. We actually discuss you a great deal. I recognized your name from your band's MySpace page, and I saw where you were from, which confirmed my thesis. Honestly, I wanted to meet the famous Bella Swan. I'd heard so much about you, and I had to meet this human who tore down the walls of Jericho. You're a pretty damn good-looking trumpet! I coincidently loved your music." I drew my hand from his and gave him a shy smile. I'd apparently been blushing, again.

"You've got that backwards. I'm the one that was broken. It's not _his_ walls that I've been breaking down lately," I smirked. "So, am I what you expected?" I questioned.

"Bella, you are far more. You are also very different. I fear for Edward if you were to ever meet him again," he chuckled darkly as though at an inside joke.

"That will never happen, so you have nothing to worry about. I am nothing to _him_. In the beginning I was like a toy or a pet to take care of. Then I became a hindrance. Now I am nothing. If I do happen to see _him_ again you should not be the one afraid. _He_ should." I yawned loudly and apologized.

"I've kept you up late with our conversation. I'll call Gregory and have him book you a room in the hotel adjacent to the club. He will gather the other band members also." He offered his hand to help me up.

"Thank you, Johnny. I will see you tomorrow?" I questioned.

He attempted to dazzle me once again. "Absolutely, for the record, Bella, Edward was an ass, and he knows it. Until tomorrow."

I smiled sleepily and followed Gregory who had just arrived with drunken Ian and Nick in tow.

"Hey Izz, Wut up, yo?" Nick bellowed while stumbling a little off balance.

"Ain't no thang but a chicken wang," I sang as I started to giggle. The sleep was slowly fading from me as the need to get rid of the pain rushed in.

"For shizzle my nizzle," he laughed.

"Word to yo mutha!" I choked out cracking up. This was what I needed, Nick and his _ridonculous_ ways. I crossed my arms and leaned my back against Gregory. He had the most chagrined face; I giggled when Nick pounded his fist on his chest twice, kissed it, and then flashed a peace sign.

"Peace," he exploded in a deep voice. We both burst out laughing so hard we choked. Even Ian couldn't help but join in. Johnny was just standing there grinning and staring at me. Unfortunately, Ian noticed; his frown spoke volumes.

"Izz, one hundred bucks I can throw back an Irish Car Bomb faster than you!" I recognized the gleam in his eyes, but I couldn't ignore a challenge. Especially, one I knew I'd win.

"You're on woadie!" I jumped up and sauntered to the bar. Sleep was definitely the last thing on my mind; I foresaw a chance to erase _him_ from my dreams for a night. "See ya' Johnny," I called over my shoulder. Entering the hazy confines of the hallway Johnny's golden eyes flashed through the darkness. I coughed as smoke misted through the walls.

Ian tried to draw my attention away, "You know you can't hang, Izz," he whispered into my ear from around my back.

As we exited the hallway I was accosted by the heat emanating from the bodies of the overwhelming crowd. I used Ian's shoulders to vault me up in an attempt to see the bar. We shoved and goosed our way through the bodies of people still energized from our performance. I got more than one "ass-grab" and I placed more than one "kidney-shot" in retaliation all done with a smile.

I reached the bar in relief. "Hey, man," I threw the words down towards the bartender in hopes he'd hear me. I squeezed my way between two rock hard, cold bodies. I realized who or better yet, what they were. I changed my tactics. "Excuse me," I looked up into the golden eyes and batted my lashes recognizing him as the one from earlier.

The vampire stared directly into my eyes attempting to dazzle me. "Yes?" His eyes lit up as he saw me smile.

"Do you think you could scoot down a bit for me and my friend here?" I asked in my sweetest, most innocent voice.

Golden Eyes here looked at me like dinner, but not the blood sucking kind. More like a sundae with sprinkles and a cherry on top, I was that cherry. He mean-mugged Ian. Surprisingly Ian, didn't flinch. "For you, anything, Beautiful," he purred.

Ian was about to retort when I shocked them all and rebel yelled, "Hell yeah!" and yanked Ian next to me as the bartender walked over. The vamp seemed a combination of confused and interested. If I was going to be speaking to and surrounded by reminders of _him_, then I was going to get totally and completely shit-faced. I raised my voice to epic volumes. "Rock-N-Roll bitches! Six car bombs, please." I turned to face the crowd that was surrounding us. "Everyone, are you prepared to see me kick Ian's ass?"

The crowd boomed, "Yeah!"

"Ian, are you prepared to be humiliated by a tiny, little girl like me?" I yelled my face mere inches from his a little bit of spit flew into his eye.

"You're going down, Izz," he growled loudly. His eyes were on fire.

"Hey, Golden Eyes," I turned to the gorgeous vampire I spoke to a second ago, "Count to three." My face was set in my determined; _I'm going to kick some ass_ face.

Golden Eyes grinned, "Ok. Are you ready?" Ian and I nodded locking our eyes on each other. "On your mark, get set, go!" he yelled.

I dropped the shot in my Guinness and chugged for all I was worth. Ian was right with me. Nick was screaming, "Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!" along with everyone else in the bar. I finished the first one. The image of _him_ faded just a little from the forefront of my mind. Each beer was just one more shake of an Etch-A-Sketch.

"Next!" I pounded my fist on the bar.

Just as I dropped the shot in, Ian grabbed his. We were neck and neck. The beer streamed down the corners of my mouth. I refused to relinquish my lead. I'd fucking die before I let Ian win. I could barely see the outline of _him _in my mind_. _Good! I just wanted _him_ to disappear completely.

"Next!" I slammed my mug on the bar and flashed Ian a very toothy, almost feral grin. He was only a third of the way through his second. He grimaced at me, took a breath, and kept going.

I swiped my mouth with the back of my hand and dropped the final shot in my beer, "Sweet dreams Ed…," I mumbled. I forced the mug to my lips and slacked my jaw, pouring the sweet foamy, liquid down my throat. Halfway through, I couldn't even remember why I was doing this and tilted off balance, and grabbed the first thing I could put my hands on. It so happened to be old Golden Eyes' arm. I yanked the mug from my lips and muttered, "Sorry, Golden Eyes." My eyes looked up all dreamy into his. "You remind me of someone from loooooong ago," I spouted drunkenly. He grabbed my shoulders and steadied me. I brushed a wisp of hair that was hiding his amber eyes. He raised his eyebrows inquisitively and smirked. Ian noticed and loudly yelled for his next car bomb about a millimeter from my ear. He'd obviously tried to get my attention away from Golden Eyes. I thought that was a good idea. It worked.

"I wouldn't stop so long if I were you. He's catching up," Golden eyes murmured in my ear. Goosebumps spread down my neck reaching my core. His breath was like magnolia and honey.

"Fuck!" I spat and started chugging again. ADD was a lifesaver. I didn't know if more beer was down my throat or on my shirt, but I finished, slammed my mug on the bar, and scrambled on my bar stool with my arms raised above my head and trumpeted, "This…is…Sparta!"

A roar exploded around me. The entire bar was hysterical, laughing and chanting. "Izzy! Izzy! Izzy!" I suddenly tumbled off the stool and shockingly enough Ian caught me. His smirk made me laugh. "Beat me again Izz. You always get what you want," He breathed in my ear.

I realized he was still cradling me in his arms. I didn't mind at that moment, because I didn't think I could stand. We headed back stage with the chanting dying down behind us. My head dropped to his shoulder and I sighed dejectedly, "I don't get _everything_ I want."

Ian dropped me unceremoniously on the couch in the dressing room. "Fuck, Izzy, when are you going to forget that asshole? He fucking left you just like that bitch Nadia left me!" His face was scrunched up in anger and pain. All I heard in my head on repeat was, "He left you. He left you."

"I'm here, Izzy. Actually _here, _not some ghost of your past," he implored.

I guess the shock and fury on my face was evident, because Ian approached me slowly with hands up and palms out. "Please, Izzy, I want you."

That broke through everything. I couldn't live like I was anymore. I wasn't supposed to end up like this. I couldn't just give myself away anymore. There must have been an untarnished piece of me left that could be something to someone. I shook my head trying to clear the fuzz that once was a coherent mind, and gave Ian the message, "No," I whispered. I couldn't deal with this now. I was too confused. I was also pretty sure I was beyond wasted. I jumped up racing, falling a little sideways to the door. Ian grabbed my arm.

"Izz, wait. Don't leave. I didn't mean it that way. I know this isn't the best timing. I just don't know how to tell you I…," he begged. His eyes were desperate.

"No! No! No! No!" I gasped. "I can't handle this right now. I gotta get outta here." I struggled from his grasp. I sprinted through the door and down the hall. Miraculously I reached the back exit. Lowering my shoulder, I rammed through the door and stumbled into the night.

"Fucking Ian. Fuck Ian," I mumbled looking down at the mosaic of gum pasted on the concrete below me. I was suddenly dizzy. I gazed around and attempted to gain my equilibrium, but I couldn't even explain the kaleidoscopic, swirly, weirdness of the neon lights. Unfortunately they did not only make me dizzy; they were also distracting. I tripped on an uneven dip in the parking lot. I had enough time to splay my hands out in front of me and attempted to brace my fall. In slow motion I visualized my face slamming against the concrete.

Suddenly, my movement came to a complete halt. I froze in mid-air and giggled, "I'm floating." My legs and arms were stretched out like Superman. I heard a deep chuckle. Goosebumps flooded my body, and I sighed, "I'm so glad you're here." I rolled over, grinned, and stretched in the most familiar arms I'd known. My angel's face raced from shock, to amused, to pained, and settled on confused. _Dream_ Edward never made that face. He always knew what he wanted.

Our eyes meet. I was dazzled. "Not as glad as I am," _he_ whispered.

I relaxed, limp in his arms. "Much better," I slurred, wrapping my arms around his neck. I grazed my lips against his neck. _He_ pulled away from me. I was still resting in his arms, but he'd extended the cradle he had me in as far away from him as possible.

"This dream sucks," I huffed. "We should be running past second, halfway naked, and sliding into third by now."

He smirked, "Yes, one day we will."

"NO, NOW!" I whined, sounding more like a petulant child than a woman of twenty-one.

"Bella?" Edward reproached. His face had an incredulous expression as the words sank in.

I squirmed out of his arms scrambling I got to my feet. I swung a punch missing, twirling around in a circle. "I don't like this Edward; you're too much of a Sallyboy." I flicked my wrist at him like he was a fly, effectively shooing him away. "Now go get sexy times Edward," I commanded.

"Bella, be reasonable," he said. "I am here, and you are intoxicated. I love you."

"Wait, if I'm drunk then I shouldn't be seeing you right now. I'm drunk, so I wouldn't have to see you tonight. I'm supposed to be passed out somewhere, anywhere not seeing you. Apparently, I'm somewhere passed out and I'm not drunk enough, so you're back haunting me. DAMN! At least you could give me some sweet lovin'," I shoved his shoulder again.

"I am here, this is real, and would you please stop hitting me? You're going to hurt yourself," he scolded.

I growled, punched him in the face, taking him off guard. My knuckles cracked beneath the skin and I screeched, "Fuckin' holesucker!" That felt too real.

"Bella, are you alright!" he exclaimed with worry in his eyes. "Stop hopping around and let me see it. Stop moving! Give me your hand, please."

Danced around on one foot like a lunatic, splashing through puddles in the uneven concrete I hesitated and paused dazed. I couldn't stand the worry in his eyes. This dream was going fucking downhill really quickly. "No, this is not how this is supposed to happen. I get drunk and forget you. You don't show up being all awkward, concerned, pansy Edward. _Dream_ Edward is supposed do everything _Real_ Edward would never do." I made a decision. Maybe my dream needed me to take a little control. I grasped his face between my hands and pulled his lips to mine, forcing my tongue in his mouth.

Cinnamon, sugar and a lingering spicy heat filled my mouth and pulsed through my body down to my throbbing core. We broke away gasping for air. "That is more like it, _Dream_ Edward!"

"Yes, Bella, I am your _Dream _Edward. What do you want me to do?"

"Fucking kiss me, Edward," I demanded as I rubbed my hands up his chest. The hard planes made me gasp in ecstasy.

He attacked me with his cool lips. I didn't have to force my way. He took control and I for once submitted. I tasted him first and everything went black.

_______________________________________________________________________

EPV

The flight seemed like it took forever. I waned to get to The Viper Room as quickly as possible. I just needed to see her to feel better. I raced to Sunset Boulevard.

I was surprised by the thump of a heart when a hybrid met me with a smile. His name was Gregory.

"Hello, Mr. Cullen. I'm Gregory," he stated. He must not have known I could hear his thoughts, oh well. "Mr. Depp told me you were arriving and asked that I bring you directly to him when you get here. He's very anxious to see you."

"It's Edward, Gregory, and thank you. I am anxious to see him also." I followed him through the plush Viper Room. As we walked across the room I heard the sweetest sound in my world, her voice. I heard "your cold hot blood running down on me." I did not hear the other words, but those were enough to make me catch my breath in agony. She was aware I was here, because her heart skipped a beat and began an aggressive pounding. In an instant I turned and entered Johnny's office before she could see me fully. I waned to turn around and look in her direction, but then I heard her lullaby. The one that was hers alone…the one I composed for her. She remembered it, and I heard all her pain in the last melancholy notes. My heart ripped again with the knowledge that I had made so many mistakes both past and recent.

"Edward," Johnny greeted me with a smile. He was glad to see me. "I am glad you made it in such a short amount of time. How do you like the music?" he grinned maliciously.

"It is your style, Johnny," I grinned back. "Thank you for calling me. I…" I paused when I heard the lyrics to the Fiona Apple song. I simultaneously growled when I heard the lewd thoughts being emitted from someone near her. I did not have to guess that he was close to her…it sent my mind racing with anger. Before I realized what I was doing I was about to lurch out the door, off the balcony, but Johnny restrained me by throwing me into the opposite wall.

"What the hell are you doing?" he roared. "Get your ass under control before you ruin everything. She's not prepared to see you yet, and you'll blow your chance."

"I cannot just stand here and listen to the vile thoughts coming from that miscreant."

"Who?" He questioned with pure curiosity.

I quickly sifted through his mind to deduce his relationship to Bella. As if his mind bent to my will, his memory flashed on a night when Bella called his name…_IAN_, and not in a "come get your dinner" kind of way. A guttural growl escaped from deep inside my chest again, "How many people has she been with?"

Next, I heard his unrequited yearning for her. I still had a chance.

"His name is Ian," I muttered to Johnny.

"Oh, he's the guitar player. Gregory says he's a cocky ass but can play the guitar well," said Johnny with a frown.

"I can get rid of his cockiness in an instant," I snarled.

"Just go downstairs and listen. Bella will be up here when the set's over, and I'll find out whatever I can for you," said Johnny.

"Fine," I snapped. I still wanted to tear Ian's thumping heart out of his chest like with Jacob Black.

Johnny laughed, "How old are you again?" He smirked.

"Seventeen," I answered smartly.

"Just go. I'll handle it," he reassured me.

"Make sure you keep your hands to yourself," I stated as I tapped my temple with my finger providing a quick reminder that I'd know everything that would go on.

"Don't be ridiculous Edward," he said to me with a much too innocent smile.

"She's very shy and self-conscious, so don't press her too much," I told him.

"I promise not to press her anywhere," he vowed, hand raised like a boy scout. He smiled wryly.

"Not funny. I am already close to the edge please don't push me over… friend." I heard the crowd roar as I walked down the steps from the VIP room toward the bar, when Ian announced, "On the keys and vocals, Izzy Swan." My smile widened as I saw her drinking in the applause from the crowd. She was different somehow, yet still _my _Bella. She was so beautiful enjoying the spotlight. I took a seat at the far end.

Bella and the band were led to the VIP room. I chuckled at Ian's frustration as Bella shrugged off his arm. Johnny's thoughts confirmed that Bella was not as shy and self-conscious as I thought. She seemed very comfortable with Johnny even flirting with him slightly. I growled in spite of myself…the bartender looked at me. A blonde vampire on her way to speak to me quickly turned away.

I was happy to hear that Ian and Nick were leaving the office with models. I heard Ian's disrespectful comment to Bella and without noticing, glass flew everywhere spilling water. Did he curse in front of _my_ Bella? Was he truly insane? Did he have no regard for his life?

The bartender asked me to kindly let go of the bar's edge as it seemed to buckle under my hand. "We have to keep up our appearance sir," he whispered.

"My apologies," I answered. "I'll pay for any damages." I did not think I could take this much longer. It was nerve-racking to sit there and hear Bella flirt with Johnny. He was thinking apologies, but he was a man after all or at least partly. Splinters of wood fell to the floor as I heard his heart skip a beat beneath the touch of her hand; I threw a wad of hundreds at the bartender and rushed out the door.

It was warm out. The full moon shined down on me making weird shadows against my skin. Neon lights mocked with their false rainbows teasing with the knowledge that there was no pot of gold at the end for me. I heard the footsteps of prostitutes coming toward me, and I made a quick decision to escape the sadness their minds exuded before it could overwhelm me. Thank God, my Bella was not _that _broken.

I perched outside the window of Johnny's office awaiting more torture as my penance.

I heard her choke back a sob as the conversation turned towards me. I saw her in his mind and clenched my teeth at the pain I painted all over her face. "She thinks the Cullens don't care about her," I mumbled to myself. I thought about how many tears Esme and Alice were crying over Bella. Emmett was sacrificing many trees to the god of anger so he wouldn't kill me. Jasper, the empath, had to leave for months at a time because he couldn't take the torrential rain of emotions, which made Alice cry even more. Carlisle was mourning the loss of Bella like the death of a child. My family was torn apart with the loss of one; it never occurred to me that Bella had not just lost me but my entire family. I orphaned Bella with a few lies. I was a monster! My demon answered my thought, "Yes you are, and it is your nature." I vigorously shook my head clear of the voice, because I would make this right.

I snapped out of my reverie as I realized that she couldn't say my name. I heard Johnny's words of remorse at her pain while simultaneously cursing me for what I had done. "I'm so sorry," I whispered. I saw Johnny flash a look of disgust in my direction as if sorry was not nearly enough. The movie screen flashed before my eyes once again. Bella's shouts for me as I left her in the woods obliterated my walls forever.

I heard her state that she was nothing to me and was never anything to me. She was everything to me and always would be… she was my reason for existing. Not only did I break her heart, I broke her spirit. Izzy was just a façade she put on to make it through the dark night that had enveloped her. I smiled. My Bella was still there somewhere deep beneath the surface of Izzy.

I slipped through the window as Bella left. "John…," a blow came through the air connecting with the side of my face. An unneeded breath gushed from my lungs. I straightened my stance and said, "I know… I really know now."

I lurched forward and connected my fist to his mouth. "Keep your thoughts about MY Bella to yourself," I snarled remembering his inappropriate thoughts from minutes before.

"YOU ARE A TRULY, SELF-RIGHTEOUS ASSHOLE! You no longer deserve her," he accused.

"BUT, I will have her," I countered. I felt the twinge of a mind whose coldness I could not help but recognize mentally caressed Bella. He was golden-eyed, tall with black hair. He was thinking about their first encounter at the bar. I heard her compare him to me. My mouth contorted into a sneer "Johnny," I snarled, "Who the hell is Aedan?"

Johnny's eyes snapped up. "Why?"

"Because I'm going to kill him, grab Bella, and get the hell out of here," I snapped.

"Slow down, slow down, Edward. I'll take care of Aedan. He's an incubus but Bella can handle it. Even I couldn't dazzle her," Johnny's eyes grew distant and then he laughed.

The silence was broken by Bella's victory cry "THIS IS SPARTA!"

She was miles past the legal limit and I rolled my eyes. I should have been paying more attention to what she was doing. I was too distracted by my pissing contest with Johnny. That damn demon spoke again… "She's this way because of you." At least she was smiling and laughing I countered the voice.

I jumped up when I saw Bella fall through Ian's eyes. I saw him catch her and quickly escape the tumult of the crowd. I could hear his plan to confess his love for her as the crowd chanted Bella's pseudonym; I repressed the urge to tear through the wall.

"Johnny, Ian is going to tell her that he loves her," I whispered in agony.

"You have got to be kidding me," he retorted. "You dare doubt her love for you even now, when you can see what your lies have done to her!"

"What's the right thing to do?" I questioned helplessly. I was in foreign territory; I was not equipped to deal with the lack of control.

SLAP, he hit me again. I was not going to take much more of that. "Okay, I get it. Damn, stop hitting me. I'm going to talk to her tomorrow." I saw Ian's dejected face watch as Bella left. I jumped out the window as I heard Johnny call for Gregory. I saw her stagger and couldn't bear to witness her fall because it would remind me of an angel falling from the heaven. I caught her before she hit the ground. Her arms and legs splayed out from her body. The scent of sweat, alcohol and Ian did not mask her scent…my Bella's scent. It was intoxicating to me.

"I'm so glad you're here," she said to me wistfully.

Shocked I looked down to see her face spread into a ridiculous grin. Her rosy cheeks and drunken slur amused me. I was pained to see her in this state, but happy to be with her. I settled on confused. How could she possibly be happy to see me, when I heard all her pain and anger towards me?

"Not as glad as I am," I whispered to her. I wanted to take her away with me that instant.

I felt a burn on my neck and reflexively pushed her away. My throat was inflamed; it had been too long since I drank and she just smelled delicious.

Did she say dream? She thought I was a dream. That thought was interrupted…Naked! What did she say? I could not concentrate with images of her naked body in my mind. I gave her my lopsided smile that I knew she loved and said, "Yes, one day we will."

She wants to have sex right now? We both may be dreaming. I have to get control of this situation before it gets too far out of hand. "Bella?" I said as her words sank in. She tried to punch me and almost fell down again. Yeah, she was completely above the legal limit of intoxication. "Bella, be reasonable," I said to her. If she only knew that I would take her up on the offer in a heartbeat if I knew she had forgiven me. We would have that one day…soon. "I am here and you are intoxicated. I love you." I was barely holding on. My hands were slowly slipping from the edge. My hands had a mind of their own as they explored the exposed skin through the tiny holes of her fishnets as her skirt rode up her supple legs. I didn't want to take advantage of her in her drunken state, but it might have been interesting to do so.

She intentionally drank to forget me? She did that often? She thought I was haunting her… that was true, I was haunting her, but she needed to understand that this _was_ real. _I was_ real.

"I AM HERE, this is real and would you please stop hitting me. You're going to hurt yourself," I said exasperatedly to her as she tried to pound in my face. The sharp crack of her knuckles startled me as I realized that she actually made contact with my nose. What the hell was a _holesucker_? The obscenities were bordering on ridiculous at that point, and I was growing impatient.

"Bella, are you alright? Stop hopping around and let me see it. Stop moving! Give me your hand please." I hoped it was not broken. I was worried.

I heard her speak to her _Dream_ Edward again. Tears fell down her face, which I could not bear. I wanted to be her _Dream_ Edward. I wanted to tell her that I could be everything to her… real, imaginary, everything.

She kissed me hard and I did not resist because I just could not. Her body was soft, warm, and fragile. I couldn't help but compare Bella's supple body to Tanya's rigid one. Her tongue scorched my mouth but God what a way to burn.

"This is my _Dream_ Edward," I heard her gasp.

I responded, "Yes, Bella I am your _Dream_ Edward. What do you want me to do?" I wanted her to be happy even for a moment. _I _wanted to be happy, especially in that moment.

"Fucking kiss me, Edward," she said rubbing her hands up my chest like timbers burning quickly through a forest, her hands were a wildfire to my skin. I severed my mind from my body and kissed her passionately. I traveled to another time and space where it was just she and I, and nothing had changed. When I felt her stop responding I realized she was passed out. I grinned as I heard frantic footsteps. I kissed her gently once more. "I love you," I whispered in her ear and lithely jumped onto the balcony above her. Ian found her and wrapped his arms around her body. I crouched ready to pounce like a cougar if he dared to kiss her. I heard his thoughts, wishing she loved him as much as he loved her. I chuckled to myself knowing that would never happen, especially after the sweet exchange we just had. She would be safe with him tonight, but I was not taking any chances. I followed.


	4. Ch4 Bella is a Ninja Should I Stay or Go

Chapter 4

BELLA'S A NINJA!/ SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO?

EPV:

I stayed close as Ian carried Bella to her room. The door closed; I perched just above the window outside. The flicker of a dying neon light reflected on the window pane. I heard the rustle of sheets as he laid her on the bed. The pour of the shower water assaulted my ears as I imagine the worst, but then recognized the steady rhythm of Bella's heart and soft breathing. I realized she was still passed out, and he was alone.

I heard her whisper, "Edward…my Edward." I was by her side instantaneously. My feet glided over the Berber carpet and the gossamer curtains rustled softly as blurred to her side. I lay my head next to hers on the pillow and closed my eyes. She moaned, "Please don't go. Don't leave me. Why did you leave me?"

I wanted to embrace her; I leaned closer and whispered, "I'm here, my love."

She whimpered in response, "No, no, you left me alone."

Before I could respond that I was so sorry, the shower stopped. I heard Ian step out and grab a towel. I sped to the closet. I expected him to lie down in the other bed in the room, but he walked past it to kneel before Bella. What the hell was he doing?

He whispered, "Izzy? Are you okay? Do you need anything?"

Bella moaned, "Don't leave me."

Ian's thoughts raced with excitement as she requested him to stay, but I knew different.

Bella rolled over flinging her arms above her head still asleep. The disappointment radiated through his mind. I smirked, but it quickly fell from my face when I heard Bella cry in her sleep.

"I'm here Izzy. I'm here," he slide next to her in the bed and drew her into his arms to comfort her. "I'm always here, Izzy."

The closet was so small that it was the only thing holding me up from the crushing pain I felt. I couldn't go to her nor comfort her. He had the advantage there and it pierced me to the core.

My eyes flashed up when she said, "I love you, Edward." The projector flashed to the first night I heard her say my name in her sleep. She rooted me to her with that one phrase and sealed herself in my heart for eternity. Tonight was no different. I vowed to stay with her whether she wanted me or not.

Ian's mind cursed Bella and me to hell. He blamed Jacob for all his pain from the past and me for broken Bella in his arms. He blamed Bella for not letting go. He thought back to all his previous nights with Bella. Images of her crying in her sleep for Jacob and me flashed through his mind. At some point the images involving Jacob ended, which gave him hope, but my images never ceased.

I pitied his feeble attempt to overshadow our eternal love. I was angry at his vicious thoughts towards Bella. I could tell it was not true love he felt, but the wish for his pain to end. She was his sunshine and Nadia was his eternity. I heard him sigh as he slowly drifted asleep.

I kissed her gently on her forehead before I left. My phone vibrated in my back pocket.

BPV

Goosebumps spread across my shoulders as I felt a warm hand slide up the back of my shirt. Still not completely awake and floating in the dream I was having I groaned, "Edward."

"Dammit, Izz. Wake up; it's twelve in the afternoon. I'm starving," Ian snapped.

The pounding in my head synchronized with the dry heaves that had suddenly overwhelmed my need for sleep. I sighed relinquishing the tentative hold on the fantasy that was slowly slipping away. _He_ is not here. _He_ is never coming back.

_Face reality, Izzy. He probably doesn't even remember who you are. _I sighed to myself.

I was just a blip in the timeline of _his_ eternal life. I was nothing but a novelty.

I stretched, curling my toes, and arched my back as I saw the hopeful eyes beside me. Ian's hand reached up and tucked a stray lock of hair behind my ear. My head pounded with conviction, and I wasn't able to think straight. Our eyes met for a second. I pushed the covers off my body and silently thanked God that I was still clothed. My head fell heavily forward as I rose too quickly from the bed.

"Ugh, I need some Aleve, water, and a hot shower," I groaned. I paused at the unfamiliar surroundings. The fog in my head was too thick to see through. A jumbled mesh of images attempted to push through the haze, but could not prevail against the taint of alcohol in my system.

"Here's two Aleve, Izz, and your water bottle is waiting for you in the bathroom," Ian informed me as a slow smile spread across his face.

"Thanks," I mumbled as I gathered my toiletry bag, and started my morning routine. I tried to remember how often my mornings had begun this way. I grimaced at the reality of my life. Too many times, I decided. I honestly didn't believe I was a drunk, but I could see the potential there. I scanned through the last year of my life as the scalding water sanitized me and the memories seared into my mind. I was not proud, and I was not making excuses, but my life was pretty fucked up. Most people would have trouble surviving the ridiculous number of tragedies that my life had encompassed. At least I was alive. I believed though that it was time for me to attempt to heal. I couldn't just put everything away locked in a closet in my mind. I needed to sift through everything, learn to deal, and discard the items that were holding me back from life, then maybe I could consider what Ian was going to say last night, and I couldn't forget what _he_ said in my dreams. Unfortunately, I knew I would never forget _him_.

I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't hear the door open. "Izz, about last night…," Ian whispered. His voice was so low that I could barely hear him. "I know you still miss him, but honestly Izz it's been years. I lo…."

I interrupted before he could say something he couldn't take back, and that I couldn't ignore, "Ian please don't. I'm not ready for that. I'm so fucked up. I know you went through a lot too, but I'm not where you are right now. Before I can even think of anything more, I need to figure out how to deal with all this shit and figure out myself. I don't like who I am right now, Ian. I don't like that I deal with shit by drinking, and I don't like what we have become," I confessed. I turned the water off and wrung out my hair, hypnotized by the sound of the drops splattering down against the hotel shower tile. I pulled the screen aside, he handed me a towel. I didn't hesitate to take it from his patient hands. My mind shuddered with the fact that I didn't blush. Gah! How my life had changed.

"Are you saying that you regret what we do? I don't, Izz. Maybe at first there was something wrong with it, but all that has changed. How I feel has changed," Ian spluttered reaching out and grabbing my shoulders in his rough hands.

I could hear the panic and hurt in his voice and responded, "You are my best friend, and I don't like the way that I treat you. I don't like the way you treat me. We both deserve better." Ian began to interject, and I stopped him, pressing my open palm against his bare chest. "This…," I waved my hand up and down in front of my body, "is not right. I should not be comfortable being naked in front of a _friend_. That is not how I wanted my life to be before or now. I want to only be like this with someone I love. I love you, Ian. You and Nick are the closest people I have to family, but I can't even consider anything more until I straighten my ass out. I want to be whole. I want to be _good_, Ian." Tears fell slowly with my confessions. We had never really talked about _us_ before; we just pretended that we were only friends, and whatever happened that crossed those boundaries was no big deal. It was and always would be a very big deal.

"You can't tell me that you can't feel how this has changed. How we have changed," Ian pressed his hand over mine, forcing my palm over his heart.

The rhythmic pounding relaxed me and allowed me to focus; he was who I should want, someone like me, someone with a beating heart. I hung my head and sighed, "I have Ian, but I'm not _in _love you. I honestly don't think that I am capable of that right now." I raised my face and met his eyes. The intensity in his overwhelmed me and I dropped mine once again.

"You do love someone Izz. It's just not me." The pain in his voice pulsed and attempted to defibrillate my heart.

"I'm sorry. I truly am." Shame stained my face red.

He dropped my hand, and lifted my chin. For a second I feared that he was going to kiss me. "Izz, it's ok. I knew we'd get to this point eventually. I just hoped that you would be here with me. Friends is ok, for now." He kissed me on the forehead and stepped aside so I could leave the bathroom.

I smiled at him as I walked by and yelped as he smacked the fuck out of my ass! "Satan's whore fucker! I'm going to kill you!" I screeched eyes blazing.

Ian had already sped passed me while I was busy swearing. "You didn't think I could pass up swatting that sweet ass did you?" He jeered.

I reined in my anger and turned bending at my waist over my bags. "What did you say about a sweet ass?" I purred while wiggling my butt a little. He took two huge leaps towards me and I twirled around and held up my hands in surrender calling, "Truce! Truce!"

"Ok, I'll give you a truce this time, but next time your mine," He declared with an evil _Mwahaha_ attached to the end, while wiggling his eyebrows up and down.

"Thanks, I'll be on my guard," I laughed. "Now get the fuck out of here so I can get changed for…," I paused looking at the clock, "lunch." As Ian closed the door behind him, I sighed sinking to the ridiculously plush bed and chose to pretend that I didn't see the hope hiding in his eyes.

EPV:

As I left the hotel room to go back to Johnny's club, my mind reeled with confusion, fear, and emotion. She was so beautiful. She was so hurt too. How could I make her see that I left her for a good reason, the best reason? What did this Ian have over her that made her forget me enough to sleep with him? I could understand the reason she was with the dog even though I don't like it; but, this connection to Ian seemed to be the one thing that might make our reunion difficult for me. She may not feel love for him now but there was no guarantee that what Alice saw would come to fruition. "Aargh! This is so confusing," I groaned yanking on my hair with a force that would leave a mortal bald. I needed to do the right thing but I really didn't know what that was. A being who had lived for almost a century gains confidence in his ability to do what was right. I thought I had that characteristic mastered until Bella; with her, the only thing I knew was that I loved her. What I did not know was whether that love was healthy or not.

"I'd say 'penny for your thoughts' but I think I'd have to give all of my fortune and then some," said Johnny with a half smile.

For a vampire I was embarrassingly unobservant. I popped my head up, mortified at my lack of manners. "Yeah, I wish my thoughts were that trivial," I decided to rebut. "I just left her hotel room; Ian was there with her."

"Do I need to do a cleanup on aisle 3?" Johnny grinned.

"No, no, of course not," I said guardedly. "He really does care about her, you know. I can't take that away from him. Actually, scratch that, I really wish I could."

"You're torn about whether to invade into her life or not," Johnny stated instead of questioned me.

"Yes. I saw the hurt in her eyes. I heard it in her voice. If I died after ten more centuries, I could never erase that from my memory. She is an essential part of my life but I feel like I am a cancer to her. I grow, spread, leave a path of destruction; then I pretend to disappear as though I am finished only to return more fierce and dangerous than before," I moaned, as I hunched into his lush chaise.

"I admit, Edward, that you have truly mangled a possibly beautiful thing with Bella. I know she is in pain because of you but I believe that she still loves you," he said earnestly. "Love is a very strange creature especially for our kind. We don't have the luxury of getting over someone. When we love it's forever. You will never be able to love another the way you love Bella. You could possibly coexist but never love. So, I have to ask you, Edward, which is worse?"

"What do you mean which is worse?" I asked bewildered.

"Is it worse to love her and deal with what it takes to fix your mistakes? Or to live the rest of eternity knowing that any relationship you have will be less than mediocre because you didn't stay and fight for what you wanted?" He questioned.

"I don't know, Johnny. I really don't know. Should I continue to hurt her when she is convinced that I never wanted her? Should I let her heal then come back later to try again? Or do I leave it all alone and suffer silently while she heals and lives a human's life?" I know I'd struggle with those questions no matter what the outcome because… A fire burst in my mind. Flames engulfed my senses with fear and understanding. "That's it!" I gasped.

"What?" Johnny asks straightening in his seat. "What is it, Edward?" He says again eyes wide because I didn't reply immediately.

The answer flooded my brain like a tsunami rushing the shores of an unsuspecting island. My stomach would have felt nauseous if that were possible. As I processed the information that came to me I realized that if I would have done this before neither Bella nor I would have suffered at all. I needed to let her make the decision. I needed to feel confident that she knew what was best for her and hope that she would want to be with me. Of course, if she decided to be without me then I would always wait hoping that she'd one day want me again. Even as I realized this, the projector's credits ran as a confirmation of my epiphany.

I hung my head as I whispered the words to Johnny, "I must let her make the decision." Pure fear raced through my empty veins because I did not know what the outcome would be. I knew what I wanted it to be, but would my hope, longing, and desire be enough?

"That's a wise statement, Edward, but are you sure you can handle the answer?" He questioned.

"No, Johnny, I am not sure that I can handle the answer but I must finally give her what I never have before, a choice. I think not giving her a choice was the pinnacle mistake I made. She probably thinks that I could not possibly love her because I never considered her feelings or ability to make the right decision for her," I gasped. Tiny rips in my chest begin to surface. "I must go now, Johnny, but please be a good friend to her. You do not have to speak on my behalf just let her decide. I ask this of you, my friend, my brother," I implored.

"Absolutely," Johnny simply stated.

"I will not be here when she arrives, I need to discuss some things with Carlisle," I admitted. Even though he didn't know that I slept with a member of his family I must make amends to Tanya before it ruined both families.

"No problem, I'll see you later on?" It was definitely a question. I hoped I would be able to see him before I left tonight.

I believed Carlisle would request that I remain at home for a while until he could fix the mistake I made with Tanya. Tanya, who was truly in love with me, who would do anything to make me happy, who was much more compatible with me because she was not fragile, she was family, but I was not in love with her. I stupidly used her to relieve my anger when I learned about Bella and Jacob Black. Johnny interrupted my reverie.

"Are you really alright? What is it?" He asked befuddled. "Don't worry about Bella, she'll come around."

I did not respond to his questions. I perched on the windowsill looking out toward Sunset Boulevard. He left me to think. Hours passed until her scent wafted through the breeze assaulting my senses. Her scent was tainted with the combined scents of Ian and Nick, I didn't like it. Her scent was like fresh air to me.

BPV

8pm that night.

The day passed without any awkwardness. The only noticeable difference was that Ian and I were a little nicer to each other. We still joked, I punched him a few times when I noticed him staring at my ass or boobs while we worked out, but everything was normal.

I could get used to that.

After our workout, we went back to our hotel rooms to get ready for the show. Ian and I usually shared a room even though Nick's was a double also. That started when Ian and I began to spend nights together.

As we approach the hallway our rooms were on, I could feel tension for the first time between us. I wondered if we should stop sharing a room. I wanted to be with my friend, but I realized that even though Ian was behaving himself, sharing a room would be a bit much. I couldn't go back to changing in front of him. It would be too awkward. Before I could say anything, Ian took out his key and unlocked my door. As he pushed it open he looked down into my eyes…sad. He hugged me and sighed, "See you in a few for the show."

He turned to walk away, and the Imp of Inappropriate Behavior possessed me. I reared back and smacked the hell out of his ass. "Fuck!" I moaned cradling my hand. I forgot that I hurt it punching that douche the other night.

Ian's snickering interrupted my whining, "Ha! Serves you right. No one can handle my rock hard ass. Love it, baby!"

"Don't call me _Baby_ you douche. Kicking your ass while we were sparing earlier didn't seem to be a problem," I boasted.

"Yeah well, you've been kickboxing for three years. I just picked it up on tour to help you train. So, shut the fuck up and get cleaned up, Izz You have a definite funk lingering around you."

"The only thing that lingers around me is you! Ha!" I retorted while I pointed, laugh, and danced a little jig around him.

"Laugh it up funny girl, but now I owe you one!" He growled.

"No! Hey, we're even," I complained. I could still feel the sting from the first swat. I gave him my pouty lip, but who the hell was I kidding? That shit never worked on Ian.

"No _bueno,_ Izz. You know that shit only works on unsuspecting bartenders and probably everyone else in the world, but not me. I won't get you back now, but I owe you one. I'll get you when you're least expecting it! See you for the show in an hour," he promised.

Fuck, that was not good, but hey at least I defused an awkward situation. My butt was just going to have to pay for it later.

9pm The Viper Room.

I busted into the back door of the bar dancing and singing _Dancin'on My Grave _by Ghostland Observatory at the top of my lungs. I spun in a circle attempting to take in my surroundings. The place was so different without the crowds. The air was still fresh and untainted by smoke and sweat. There was something beautiful about an empty stage waiting for me and my music. Gregory smiled and waved me over.

"Izzy, nice to see you this evening," he announced politely.

"Same here. Don't you look handsome tonight," I declared yanking lightly on his black silk tie and batting my eyelashes. Gregory seemed so uptight that I just couldn't help myself.

"Why thank you. Mr. Depp would like to speak with you before you set up. Shall I walk you there now?" He informed me. He smiled a little wider at me, and it seemed more genuine than last night. Huh? Maybe the compliment was a good idea.

"Yes, thank you Gregory. Shall we go?" I took his arm as we crossed the bar and headed to the stairs that led to the VIP room in the back.

Johnny was standing in the doorway when we reached the top. "Thank you, Gregory. Could you send up a few beers? I believe Izzy prefers New Castle; I will have a Guinness." Johnny smiled at me as he ordered.

"Um thanks, Johnny, but I'm not going to be drinking before the show tonight," I interjected.

Johnny quirked up an eyebrow at me, and amended his order, "Make that a Guinness for me and…," he left the offer open-ended.

"Hot tea," I filled in.

"A hot Passion Tazo tea for Izzy," he finished.

"That's my favorite! What a coincidence," I exclaimed as I took a seat in the middle of one of the plush, low-lying couches.

"Yes, well it seems fitting somehow," Johnny flirted as he unashamedly looked me over. Once again, the blush infected me. What in the hell was wrong with me? I didn't blush for years and now I couldn't stop it when I was around him. Maybe he had some secret power that made chicks blush. I giggled at the thought.

"Well, you seem in a good mood today, dressed much more casual, and sober," he commented. Before I could become pissed by the "sober" comment, he continued, "I must say, you look lovely, natural, more like I pictured you."

It was my turn to make him a little uncomfortable. "Thank you. Did you spend a lot of your time picturing me?"

His laugh was like music. He threw his head back and his eyes sparkled. "Actually, yes. You have intrigued me ever since Edward spoke to me about you. You are far more aggressive than I would have thought, but I based my information on what he told me. I have to say, you do not disappoint," he said matter-of-factly. Once again, my face flushed pink.

"So, why won't you have a drink with me?" He questioned.

"I've come to some major conclusions concerning my way of life for the last year," I quiped, using my lecture voice.

Johnny raised an eyebrow and gestured for me to continue.

With an attempt at a straight face I proceeded. "I drink way too much, which leads to some pretty ho-ish behavior. Now I don't have a problem with hoes, everyone needs to let loose now and then, who doesn't like getting laid?" My attempt at keeping a straight face failed and a giggle slipped out. Johnny was frowning, but lightened when he saw me smile. "In all seriousness I wasn't that bad, I was trying to escape and in reality I was only tinting my heart and shading the pain. I never escaped. I simply hid behind sex and booze, which worked for a while, but eventually I had to sober up. I couldn't drink enough to make me forget. No matter how hard I tried."

"Of course you decide this now when I don't get my chance," he smirked. I grinned mischievously at him. "All jokes aside, I understand where you're coming from, but I don't think that what Edward and you had can ever be forgotten. It's a dream that can be true again. I spoke…"

I interrupted him immediately before he could continue. I couldn't heal if the wound was continuously aggravated and opened. "Johnny, don't. I have no interest in _him_ or any of your ludicrous theories about us getting back together. I don't want _him_ and _he_ never wanted me."

EPV

My heart warmed when Bella walked in singing and laughing. She was in a good mood, better today. She truly seemed happier. My fears from that morning crept in to tell me that it had nothing to do with me so much as it had to do with Ian. That would not be good. I reminded myself that that was what I wanted for her. She could choose anything she wanted as long as she was happy.

The conversation between Bella and Johnny flowed freely. I was proud that she decided to straighten her life out and not continue to destroy the beautiful person she truly was. I flinched chagrinned when Johnny asked her about me. I really didn't want him to bring me up to her; her mood seemed to instantly change at the prompting of that subject.

A stake was pushed through my heart destroying my existence in a moment as I heard her words, "I have no interest in him…I don't want him…He never wanted me."

I choked a gasp of pain and heaved myself off the ledge. _I must escape._ I decided I would give her a choice; she made her choice. _I must run… I have to get out of here._ My phone rang, damn Alice. She had meddled enough I couldn't take anymore. I ignored the call and turned my phone on silent.

BPV

The shock on Johnny's face was evident. He turned to the window and sighed. He smoothed his face when he saw me observing him. "Are you honestly telling me that you have _no_ feelings for Edward anymore?" Johnny scoffed. The intensity in his eyes forced me to tell the truth.

"Honestly? I plead the fifth." I paused, preparing for the onslaught of pain that was sure to erupt. "What do you want me to say? If I were over _Him,_ I wouldn't be so fucked up. Charlie, my father, told me, 'the only way to heal a broken heart is to remove yourself completely from the past. Cut all ties. Accept it and move on.' _He_ told me that life would be as though _he_ never existed. It could have been, but I held on and allowed myself to slowly decay from the inside out. Even though I feel like it, I don't want to die. So that's what I'm doing, I'm going to try to live as if _he_ was never a part of my life. I don't want to be the Bella I used to be nor the Izzy I am now. I want a happy median where I can be myself and possibly one day find out who I truly am."

It seemed as though a hint of pain flashed across Johnny's face. He sighed and gently took my hand in his. "Bella, I know that we don't know each other very well and I know that it's not my place, but it's been my experience that what you're saying could work… _if_ both parties were human; however, Edward and you touched a part of each other that no other human has ever reached. When we find our mate, we are forever changed, and I believe that that applied to you also because Edward is a vampire. It's the only way to explain the magnitude of suffering you've had to endure. I'm not belittling the love that humans are capable of. I know that when humans have been mated for years sometime the other is incapable of living without it's partner, but you and Edward were only together for a short time. Once we meet our mate, time does not matter. I'm not going to speak for Edward but, I'm just telling you the truth of our kind."

My head was reeling. The gravity of his words took a moment to sink in. I didn't want to deal with that, think about that, or accept it. If Johnny was trying to insinuate, no declare, that I was _his_ mate, then he was sorely mistaken. Based on what I learned from _them_, it was impossible for a vampire to leave his mate and survive. Triumphant I retaliated, "If you're so savvy about your kind then _he_ should not have been able to leave his mate and survive."

Johnny tightened his grip on my hand to the point that it hurt. He lowered his head in anguish. "Precisely," his voice quivered. It seemed almost as if he was the one in pain.

I wrenched my hand from his. _He _was not suffering. _He_ didn't care. I choked out, "No, I'm not going to allow you to do this to me. I want my life back. I want to be me. Yes, I want him, but I pray that in a while… I won't any longer." My resolve solidified. I refused to look away from the hurt in his eyes. "I don't know what _he_ has told you, but it could not have been the truth. I was _never_ his mate. I was a pet, a plaything, an excuse to be obsessive and in control. That's not love." I sighed and composed myself. "It's time for the show, Johnny, and I think… it's time for a beer."

As our eyes met, I slipped him a half-assed smile and he kissed my hand. "It's not your fault he didn't inform you, but you really don't know about us like you think you do. I've told you the truth, whether you want to accept it or not. I've said my peace and I'm done. Have a good show and know that if you ever need anything, anytime, I'm here," he said.

I couldn't let things end that way between me and Johnny. I smirked with an idea. "So, when I get home and tell everyone that I met Captain Jack Sparrow and I'm condemned as a liar, you better show up and look all sexy on my arm, so they'll eat shit and die," I laughed.

"To be on your arm or simply just be on you, anytime," he winked and cracked a toothy grin.

* * *

12am End of Show.

EPV

I pulled my phone out to call Carlisle to tell him I was coming home when I saw 100 missed calls from Alice, Emmett, Jasper, everyone. I immediately paniced wondering what happened. I dialed Alice in one swift motion. "Alice."

A barrage of words flowed from her lips too fast for even my vampire hearing. "Wait, Alice, slow down. What did you say?" The next words I heard sent my brain into a death spiral.

"Bella! She's in an alley, I don't know where she is but she's going to be attacked within the next half hour. Hurry Edward!" She sobbed.

I was on my feet before she could finish the sentence, racing back to help Bella.

BPV

We were about to end the show with my favorite "I'm pissed off and angsty" song, _I'm Tired_ by Savoy Brown. There were two fucks that had been standing in front of my keyboard for over half the show and still wouldn't shut the fuck up. I could only take the, "Screw the stool, and come and sit on this" type of comment for so long. I had tried to be cool about it, but I was about to explode or Ian was going to get in a fight.

One of the Jack-offs leaned over the stage and grabbed my thigh under my keyboards as Ian announced our next song. I jumped and screamed in surprise. Before Ian or I could react Gregory was standing by my side and a behemoth of a bouncer grabbed the two assholes by the throat and carried them by said throats out the bar.

The crowd cheered, Gregory bowed, and I pulled Gregory down to me by the collar and kiss him loudly with a smack on the cheek. "Thanks sweet cheeks," I purred to him over the microphone. The girls in the crowd squealed and the guys hollered.

I heard some dude in the crowd yell, "I called those guys _assholes_ earlier; do I get a kiss?"

Gregory had already disappeared from the stage by the time I replied, "Sorry sweetheart but I only give one a night, and my knight-in-shining armor got tonight's. Now…." I glanced at Nick.

Nick counted off, "One, two, one, two, three, four…."

The set ended a few minutes later, and I retreated to the dressing room. Nick was wasted and Ian was… well, Ian was touchy, sweet and friendly touchy, but touchy non-the-less. I removed his hand from my thigh and stood causing his arm to fall from my shoulder. I was sure that if I were drunk there would have been a good chance that he and I would have hooked up, but I was not, and I needed some air.

"Izz, where ya' going?" Ian questioned, his eyes swimming with Jack and Coke.

"Yeah, Izz, you're way too sober to be walking around," Nick cracked. "Let's get bombed and go swimming!"

His puppy dog eyes almost got me, but I didn't relent, "I need some air, man." Nick and Ian then hit me with twin sad eyes and I folded. Ian had never unleashed that power before! "Ugh! Fine. I'll be back in five and I'll break into the hotel pool and go swimming with you guys…sober."

"We don't have to break in!" Nick exclaimed. "Johnny gave me a key last night! Tada!" He flourished the key like a cheesy magician.

"Alright, just wait a few, but not too many skanks, pleeeease!" I whined.

"No problem!" they both announced simultaneously, bobbing their heads up and down like five year olds.

I chuckled as the back door to the bar shut behind me. My high from the show was winding down and I breathed deeply attempting to relax. There was just too much on my mind. I pulled a Pixy Stick out of my pocket and inhale it quickly. There was nothing like fucking Pixy Sticks!

"Huh, Huh, Huh! Chris, look who it is," A deep voice drifted from the shadows.

"Hhm, looks like our girl from the band earlier," who must have been Chris stated.

"She had some friends in our way inside, but I don't see anyone out here." The unknown voice declared. I labeled him Shorty.

I had to admit that at that moment I was a little frightened, but only for a second.

The two assholes who were kicked out earlier stepped into the neon light. I straightened up from leaning on the wall and assessed the two. One was medium build and the other was my height and skinny. It could have been worse. By the shuffle in their steps, I could see they were drunk. Good, that helped. "Sweetheart, don't worry; we won't hurt you …much," Chris the taller one, chuckled.

My best asset was always surprise. I was forever underestimated. "I think you have that wrong, _sweetheart_," I sneered. "If you touch me, you're _going_ to hurt a great deal." I saw the door out of my peripheral vision. I backed up to it refusing to let the two out of my sight. I pulled on the door, but it was locked. I forgot to wedge something under the door to keep it propped open. I rose up on the balls of my feet, distributing my weight evenly, and thank God that I was not in heels.

"Uh oh! Nowhere to run, angel. I recommend that you just stay still and enjoy the fun," Chris leered. I raised my fists in a defensive stance and Shorty snorted.

"What? You gonna fight us, Angel? Please do. I love to wrestle. I promise it won't be gentle." Shorty lunged at me. I hopped to the side and elbowed him in the back as he stumbled past. His head slammed into the door with a loud thump. "Fuck!" He grunted as he rubbed his head.

"Bitch, you just fucked up. I was just gonna have a little fun with you and leave, but now I'm gonna fuck you up till you can't walk, Angel," Chris rumbled. He swerved a little to the left losing his balance as he approached.

"What? You two are going to fuck with me?" I laughed. "Really? You couldn't _Fuck_ if some whore gave it to you, you flaccid bitch." Shorty roared and sprang from behind me. I swept my leg low undercutting him and he landed sprawled out at my feet. I stomped and ground my foot down on his junk, and grinned as he screamed. I turned and faced Chris as Shorty gagged and threw up.

"So, what, you take some self defense classes, Angel? I love a good fight." Chris stalked closer. He was smiling from ear to ear, and I realized he was not as drunk as I thought. _Fuck!_

"I can't wait to feel you squirming under me, Angel."

Ok, that was fucking it. Fuck scared; I was seeing red. I charged. He rose from his crouch surprised as hell. I Roundhouse kicked him in the face and he flew back into the dumpster. He jumped to his feet and grabbed me, twisting my arms until he had me locked with my back flush against him. He ground into my ass. I snapped; curses flew from my mouth as I lost control. "Mother-fucking, cock-sucking, pussy, bastard, motherfucker…" I screeched as I flung my head back into his nose. The crunch rang triumphantly in my ears. I slammed my ass back hard into his shit. He grunted and let his hold slip. I slid out of his arms and turned swinging. I connected with his already bloody nose.

He screamed, "You fucking whore! I'll fucking kill you!" Before he could rub the tears and blood from his eyes, I rotated sideways and landed a Turning Kick to the side of his head.

"What did you say Mother Fucker? You were going to do what to me? Fuck you, you weak ass bitch!" I goaded him on. My adrenalin was steam rolling through my body effectively crushing my fear flat. I missed my chance and forget to run. Fuck running, I wanted to end that shit.

I glanced at Shorty on the concrete to my side. He was still rolling, clutching his shit, and moaning. I didn't have to worry about him getting up anytime soon.

Stumbling and cursing Chris lunged at me again. I heard the shatter of a window, and where the door to the bar was closed, I saw a bright light intrude on the area. A distant, "Fuck! Help her!" assaulted my ears, as Chris swiped a glancing blow to my cheek. I let it slide off and jabbed him in the eye with my right. I heard a struggle to my left, but pushed it to the back of my mind so I could concentrate on the task at hand. His eyes started to glaze and before he could draw his hands once again to his face, I grunted, "Go down…," as I grabbed the back of his head with both my hands and landed a Knee Strike to his face yelling, "and stay the fuck down." I spit on his unconscious figure and turned in the direction of the commotion from a second ago.

EPV

As I reach the alley behind the club I hear someone screaming but it was not…Bella. It was a male's voice.

I rounded the corner, I saw Bella grab a human male by the head and smash his face into her knee. I ground to a stop; did she just spit on him? I leaned back and absorbed the entire scene. Johnny was crouched ready for attack, Gregory and the bouncer were taking care of another human male. The onslaught of images of Bella's ferocious fighting was flashing with awe in Johnny's mind. I was awestruck also. I heard him think, "She's okay."

I began to turn to leave as his voice shouted in my head, "Stay, you ass! She told me she loves you. Stay and talk to her."

A maniacal laugh bellowed from Bella and I turned back around to face my past, present, and the possibility of a future.

I locked eyes with Johnny and nodded my assent to stay.

BPV

The bouncer from earlier was restraining Shorty, who was whimpering and still trying to sooth his crushed nuts, Johnny was crouched on the edge of the dumpster eyes black as night with his jaw hanging open, and Gregory was simply smiling leaned up against the now closed back door with his arms crossed on his chest. I bent over and burst out into gut wrenching, hysterical laughter. Tears began to stream down my cheeks and I attempted to get control of myself, I snorted loudly. "Sorry…can't…help…it…adrenalin…Fuck!" The cackling continued.

Johnny straightened quickly and raised his gaze to something behind me as he dropped from the dumpster. I sobered up instantly. My body went rigid. Johnny made eye contact with me and ordered, "Gregory, take care of these two. Quickly, before any patrons take notice." He didn't break our stare as he grabbed Chris from in front of my feet. He paused for a second and I saw a glimmer of something in his eyes…hope, maybe? He smiled and whispered, "If you should ever need me…." and disappeared into the alley.

I still had not moved. My jaw was throbbing just enough to distract me, but I refused to rub it. I heard someone behind me gently shuffle his or her feet back and forth. It sounded unnatural, contrived, like he or she was attempting to make their presence known.

I didn't need the help. I knew.

_His _scent had lingered in my waking and sleeping dreams for years.

I was not prepared for this.


End file.
